From Zombos' Closet

Professor Kinema's Zacherley Fanzine Issue 1 (Part 3)

Here's the last installment of Zacher-Lore, Issue 1 (1988). But have no fear! Issue 2 of Professor Kinema's (that's Jim Knusch, natch) Zacherley fanzine, is arriving by bat-courier next week. And Vampira waits patiently in the wings--just for you, darlings.

"Jim Knusch's articles on film and TV history have appeared in numerous magazines including FilmFax, Scarlet Street, Psychotronic Video, Screem and Scary Monsters. He is also the co-editor (with Dennis Daniel) of a superb book called The Famous Monsters Chronicles, detailing the life and times of the legendary original monsterzine and its creators." (E-gor's Chamber of Horror Hosts)

Trading Cards: Midnight Madness Robot Killer

Here is the twelve-card story for Robot Killer, from Rosem's Midnight Madness Card Set. Story is by Steve Kiviat, and illustrations by Alfredo Osorio. (Copyright 1990 by Rosem Enterprises.)

(Shroud of the Undead, Jungle Parasite, The Pharaoh's Revenge)

Click on the images for a larger view.

Comic Book Review: I, Zombie 3, The Dead of Night

Zombos Says: Good

I don't know, Diogenes. How can you be sure she's a bloodsucker?

Horatio--Do you think she'd be talking to a guy like that if she wasn't?

Okay, I'll admit this is one of my guilty pleasures of comic book reading. Although Roberson and Allred keep Gwen and her odd friends squeaky clean for a brain-munching zombie, a ghost with Barbie's fashion sense, and a moonlight-afflicted hairsute friend that looks like Zombos' miniature schnauzer in a hooded sweat top, this horror-lite series is fresh and lively with color and character.

In this issue Gwen finally meets Mr. Amon, the mysterious guy in the big, spooky house, and Spot's body-hairdo gets mussed when he's outed by his nerdy friend. His other nerdy friend is in neck-deep trouble with a paintball vamp hookup, but Horatio and Diogenes, the white coat dressed pair of investigators, are close at hand to stop her blood-pecking.

Or were close at hand until Gwen falls head over heels for Horatio. Actually, Gwen was practically tossed his way by the vamp when she collided into Gwen in front of Dixie's Diner. But it looks like Gwen and Horatio's chance meeting may blossom into something more.

The vamp, by the way, is the one on the right of the cover. Vamps always dress sassy, like vamps, so they're easy to spot. I'm not sure why Gwen insists on wearing green, though; it doesn't go well with her purple skin pallor at all. Browns and earth tones are more apropos for a cute zombie like her.

Comic Book Review: X-Files/30 Days of Night 1

Zombos Says: Very Good

We've been on a lot of murders, Scully, and for the life of me, I can't recall one involving a 25-foot human popsickle. (Fox Mulder)

Wainright, Alaska.

It's going to be a very long night for Scully and Mulder: a human popsickle of headless truck drivers is sticking high out of the ground; Mulder didn't read the memo about wearing a coat; and fanged-fiends with a taste for blood and guilty pleasure for mangling their prey are afoot in the snowstorm.

Steve Niles, along with Adam Jones, serves up 30 Days of Nights' sexless, violently madcap vampires with the sexy Dana Scully and devil-may-care, madcap as a Fox Mulder in this smart crossover, six-issue series from IDW and Wildstorm.

The art by Tom Mandrake serves up the snowy drifts with the fearful nocturnals to chilling effect, making this twenty-two page issue a pleasing mouthful of setup for what promises to be a gripping story even Chris Carter can sink his teeth into for the big screen. (Chris, you owe us one, big time.) The ending splash page is one of the best hooks I've seen for picking up the next issue.

The usual old--"just stay out of our way"-- rivalries abound. Fox goes head to head with "Frenchy" and the local--way out of their depth--FBI contingent as evidence is bagged and tagged. Scully warns Mulder not to jump to the scent, but he's already hot on the trail after he learns blood's the one thing in short supply.

Between Frenchy and Mulder, want to bet who wins before the night is over?

This issue provided by DC Comics for review.

Professor Kinema's Zacherley Fanzine Issue 1 (Part 2)

Part 1

More photos, articles, and ghoulish delights to warm the cockles of your nostalgic heart... with the Cool Ghoul Zacherley. Brought to you by Jim "Professor Kinema" Knusch.

 

Professor Kinema's Zacherley Fanzine Issue 1 (Part 1)

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

"Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?" (Edward Cullen)

Zombos Says: Good (but you better be a romantic at heart)

"Well, if you must you must, but be prepared for the worst," said Zombos, shaking his head in dismay.

"Look, I'm a reviewer, that's what I do. This is just another movie to critique." I folded my arms with certainty. But I didn't feel certain.

"Another movie? Really? Die hard horror fans will have your hide piecemeal. Perhaps it would be better if you mentioned Zimba forced you to see it. Even better, put her name to this so-called review to play safe." Zombos reached for his cordial and smugly sipped it.

"Zimba didn't force me to see it, nor am I a mouse. Would Roger Ebert wince at reviewing this movie? Well, maybe while watching it, but I know he'd never falter at reviewing it. He isn't a mouse either." I reached for my cordial, forgetting I didn't have one. I shook off the faux pas and regained my composure. But I wished I had had a cordial to smugly sip from.

Dash it all, I wish I were as certain about writing this review as Bella (Kristen Stewart) is in her love for Edward (Robert Pattinson). Wait a minute, she isn't all that certain, now that I think of it. She's gone and fallen in love with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), too. Oh bother, why can't she make up her mind? She says she's more in love with Edward. He's certainly in love with her. Much of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is devoted to Edward and Bella's concern over their upcoming nuptials and her turning into a vampire. With Jacob it would be simpler; no bloodletting necessary, just an occasional rinse and shampoo and combing to get the knots out: werewolf hair can get very knotty, especially when you're as big as Jacob gets when he changes into one. I wish the CGI were better, though, to highlight his wonderful coat of bristling hair. They could certainly spend the money they save on his wardrobe--he rarely wears a shirt in this movie--and the special effects are light on gore and blood--blood for God's sakes--in a vampire movie you'd expect more of that.

"You're meandering," said Zombos, reading over my shoulder. I really hate when he does that. I refocused.

Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard this time around), still carrying a grudge, begins raising an army of newborns--stronger and feistier fresh vampires--with the help of Riley (Xavier Samuel) to kill Bella. Now into three movies and it's still all about Bella; her needs, her desires--

Zombos cleared his throat. I refocused. Again.

The Cullens (vampires) and the Quileute clan (werewolves) form a shaky alliance to battle the newborns and thwart Victoria's plans. Members of the Volturi, led by Jane (Dakota Fanning), watch and wait, apparently up to something but I'm not sure what that might be. Jane can throttle you with her mind so she's a formidable annoyance to avoid offending. Now, getting back to "feistier," Bella wants to do more than just kiss Edward, but he's all for abstinence before marriage. Sexuality, a recurring theme in all vampire movies and novels is nonrecurring here. There is passion, but it's tepid in comparison to the boiling friskiness shown by Bela Lugosi's or Christopher Lee's or Frank Langella's Dracula. I'm not sure about Jack Palance's Dracula, but I'll mention him also just in case.

Preparation for the impending battle with the newborns is guided by Jasper (Jackson Rathbone), who has faced a similar situation before. He knows how terribly destructive they can be. He tells Bella all about his past sins, and in doing so, Rathbone becomes one of the more interesting characters in this romance-heavy, horror-lite movie. The resulting battle between newborns, seasoned vampires, and werewolves is also bloodless, with vampires being broken apart, like statuary, onscreen, or mauled out of sight.

Most horror fans will balk (quite vociferously, too) at the bloodless and sun-walking vampires, and the large, but comely, werewolves in The Twilight Saga, but let's face it, horror is not at the heart of this series: it's the love triangle between Bella, Edward, and Jacob. Where many horror movies devote a multitude of endlessly spraying, bloodletting moments to butchering far friskier (and dumber) teenagers, The Twilight Saga devotes its time to Bella, mostly, and what she's going to do about Edward and Jacob. More time is spent with Edward and Jacob discussing what they think Bella should be doing with them. And the remaining time is spent with somebody, somewhere, trying to kill her, which gets everybody involved in keeping her safe. Which is lucky for us; if no one wanted to kill her, this would be a very boring series indeed.

It's a wonder they haven't just turned her into a vampire already so she could protect herself for a change. Maybe we'll see that in the next movie. It would be cool if she'd become a vamp-wolf or something like that, but that would sideline the romance a bit much. But it would be cool to see.

Graphic Book Review: The Strange Adventures of H. P. Lovecraft

But now, a third alternative reveals itself. A harrowing possibility that I, more than anyone, should have considered! My night's wicked reveries conjure monsters. And if I sleep--Providence dies.

Zombos Says: Very Good

Madness wags the tail of Lovecraft's fiction. No reason it shouldn't since it dogged him every day of his life. But there are many forms of madness, though each one eventually distills into one consummate abyss surrounded only by the boundaries of chaos. Not benign, nor reticent, nor remorseful is the journey to this abyss, and shadows of malevolence dot its rim, poking furtively into consciousness, just enough to chill the bone and heat the blood.

Such is Lovecraft's legacy to fantastic literature: he gives us the briefest of glimpses into that awful abyss, which leaves a taste like salt sucked after  the bitterest glassful of Tequila spirit is downed with a chewy biteful of the thickest worm. But the worm is only in your imagination, of course. Con gusano is a myth perpetuated for the gringos who don't know the difference between Tequila and Mezcal. But myth can be powerful, nonetheless, especially when cosmic in scale, yet kept personal in the telling.

The Strange Adventures of H.P. Lovecraft issues 1 through 4 are collected in Image Comics trade paperback. Written by Mac Carter and drawn by Tony Salmons, Howard Philips Lovecraft becomes his own haunter of the darkness, shaded over by his spiritual dissolution, doted over by his two perpetually tipsy aunts, weakened by his mentally-deranged parents, and nearing a void in his life ready to trip him into that abyss. Of course this is the imagined Howard Philips Lovecraft, the fictional one who unwittingly becomes the Gate, the reluctant welcoming committee and tour guide par excellence for those Others, the Ones patiently waiting at the rim of the abyss to return insanity and chaos to its proper place in the cosmos. Their cosmos.

Carter keeps it all very personal for Lovecraft. Howard has writer's block big time, but his volatile dreams betray his inmost desires, the ones he can't seem to man up to during his waking hours. This bottling up becomes his uncorked genii at night, speeding off on more than ethereal wings, and soon the people of Providence--the ones he can't seem to get along with all that well--are madly stroked into Picasso paintings colored in chaos.

Being an underground artist, Salmons doesn't quite capture the flux of unreality, the melting of sanity, or the horrors-beyond-time as morphologically lucid as I'd like, but between Carter's narrative for Howard's plight and the repercussions of his cosmic gate-keeping, there is a symbiosis of intent between Carter and Salmons that realizes the action more than adequately. The frantic elucidation of the Necronomicon's influence on Howard's fragile mind, the subtle murmurings from its long dead compiler goading him on (the opening pages in issue 1 are some of the best in the series), and his psychological instability converge into a fast-paced tale of terror that makes it all very personal for Lovecraft and us.

Movie Review: The Last Airbender (2010) Gasping For Air

Zombos Says: Fair (watch the animated series instead)

When everyone kept mispronouncing Aang's name in The Last Airbender I realized M. Night Shyamalan was holding true to form, which means once again he exhibits his propensity toward ponderous, preachy, hubris-driven moviemaking. It's the kind of moviemaking that comes from writing and directing inwardly for one's self and not outwardly to others. George Lucas is the king of hubris-driven moviemaking (the best episode in the Star Wars series, The Empire Strikes Back, was not directed or scripted by him). I now crown Shyamalan the prince and heir apparent.

The Last Airbender (really Avatar: The Last Airbender, but possible confusion with James Cameron's Avatar led to "Avatar" being dropped from the movie's title) is based on an American anime series filled with engaging, colorful characters living in a mystical world divided into Four Nations according to the four elements of Air, Earth, Water, and Fire. These nations include the Water Tribes, the Earth Kingdom, the Air Nomads, and the Fire Nation. Within each of them are gifted individuals who can manipulate the natural element of their nation using martial arts-like movements: they are called Airbenders, Earthbenders, Waterbenders, and Firebenders respectively.

Keeping a peaceful balance between each Nation is the Avatar, a person who's been reincarnated many times and the only one who has the ability to bend all four elements with mind-blowing power when his (or her) Avatar Spirit state is awakened. When the Avatar goes missing, the Fire Nation conducts a military campaign to subjugate the Water and Earth Nations. Fearing the reincarnation of the Avatar within the Air Nation, Fire Lord Sozin has it destroyed and its people killed. The series ran for three seasons on Nickelodeon. Shyamalan begins with Book One: Water from Season One, when the Avatar, missing for 100 hundred years, returns to stop the Fire Nation and restore harmony to the world.

Young Aang (Noah Ringer) is the Avatar. Katara (Nicola Peltz) and Sokka (Jackson Rathbone) of the Southern Water Tribe free him from a ball of ice, where he's been trapped in suspended animation, protected by his Avatar Spirit state after getting caught in a tumultuous storm. Katara and Sokka, after a long-winded and unnecessary explanation of the spiritual nature of their world and the significance of the Avatar, accompany Aang on his quest to learn manipulation of Water, Earth, and Fire in preparation for fighting the Fire Nation. Prince Zuko (Dev Patel), ostracized and disfigured by his tyrannical father, Fire Lord Ozai (Cliff Curtis), for speaking out of turn, is obsessed with restoring his father's approval by capturing the Avatar.

What makes the animated series endearing, charming, and just plain groovy fun to watch is the interplay between its characters, their humor mixed with serious situations, and the overriding spirituality—a mix of 1960s Psychedelic Movement, Eastern Religions, and New Age riffing—that imbues its story with purpose and contextual sensibility. The combination of American cartoon and anime styles creates a unique visual playfulness and verve that is never overly dark in tone or preposterous in its unfolding.

None of these endearing qualities made it into this live-action movie, which is ponderous to tears and burdened with tedious voice-over explanations and lengthy exposition crumpling the sparkling creativity of the animated series.

Shyamalan's casting choices do not fit their animated counterparts well at all. Acting ranges from wooden to pretentious: Katara is a smart, confident, go-getter in the anime; here she's awkward, uncertain, and burdened with clumsy dialog; Sokka, lighthearted and Jim Carrey-styled improvisational in the anime is rendered here broodingly serious and a killjoy; Aang, the pivotal character who's aangst over facing his Avatar responsibilities and his fear of causing harm through his unbridled anger when in the Avatar state providing room for emotional growth in the anime, tempered by his boyish spirit of adventure, can,t muster a strong presence here. Look at any still picture of Noah Ringer as Aang and you will see no chi energy emanating from his posturing. He has the Avatar tattoos and glider staff but that's all. Appa is a big fuzzy plush toy of flying bison perfection (Aang rides him through the clouds), but we don't see much interaction between Aang and his cherished Appa, although they are practically inseparable in the anime.

The showdown between the Fire Nation's armada of ash-belching ships and the Northern Water Tribe is rendered incomprehensible for anyone who hasn't seen the animated series, and near gibberish for those who have.

The movie is missing important bridging scenes for what eventually wound up onscreen and a key dynamic of Aang's involvement, a more plausible reason for why he traveled to the Northern Water Tribe in the first place, is pushed to the side. Shyamalan's insistence on drawn-out movements to bend anything exaggerates those motions to absurdity, and his action-stopping slow-motion overuse during battle scenes undermines their intensity and suspense. When Aang finally enters his Avatar state to combat the armada, this live-action confrontation appears anti-climactic when compared to the similar animated sequence, where his destructive power is rendered more awesomely than shown here. The movie's texture is dark with bright colors muted. Even the flares of fire are dull and lifeless, and do not convey a sense of heat. Critics have noted the retro-fitted 3D version is even darker. I watched the 2D version and it is pretty murky.

As a fan of the anime series I'm disappointed in this confused, overly complicated, and pedantic adaptation. As a movie critic I can say that for a movie version of the anime’s spiritual journey, one filled with wonder and energy, this first movie in a potential series does little to emotionally involve us and gives even less to wonder at.

Unless you're wondering what I'm wondering—and it's not to find a duck and a hose at a 7 Eleven—I'm wondering how a heavy-handed director, with a lately spotty track record, is given a movie that requires a touch as light as air.

That's what I'm wondering.

 

Professor Kinema's Horror Hosts In Magazines

By Professor Kinema (Jim Knusch)

In the 'golden age'- the late 1950s and early 1960s- of monster fandom a lot was happening. A generation weaned on television and made fearful of the evils of communism and the reality of nuclear war was coming of age. That is, they were into their teens. Both the USA and Great Britain began to resurrect (in more ways than one) and breathe a new life into many of these classic monsters in updated productions for the big screen. These new offerings were embellished with color and gore. Life magazine of Nov 11, 1957 featured a two page spread promoting new and upcoming horror and sci-fi releases from American-International Pictures. Big screen horror and monsters were in. Vintage horror movies, especially of the 1930s, were finding a welcome audience on the tube. This acceptance was so strong that it led to a repackaging of select titles being syndicated and offered weekly under the title of SHOCK! The SHOCK! TV package was seen in some areas as SHOCK THEATRE, NIGHTMARE and HOUSE OF HORROR. As was suggested by the SHOCK! promo book, some of these were hosted locally by bizarre personalities. These personalities in themselves became phenomenally popular. This was evidenced by major pictorial articles in national magazines, hundreds of fan clubs, the marketing of premiums and-most importantly-high TV ratings. To the teenage fan caught up in all of this a trip to the local newsstand would result in the purchase of a comic book, a humor magazine or an occasional 'Tales of the Crypt'- type of periodical that was somewhere in between a comic book and pulp magazine. By 1958 something new was added to the racks; the Monster Magazine.

Graphic Book Review: Sweet Tooth, Out of the Deep Woods

Zombos Says: Very Good

Desolation. Uncivilized behavior. Freaky mutations. Must be the post-apocalypse in Jeff Lemire's Sweet Tooth comic series, with the first five issues, Out of the Deep Woods, collected into Vertigo's trade paperback. 

There's more: Gus, who sticks out like a sore thumb with his deer-like antlers and ears; a mysterious stranger, called Jepperd, who rescues Gus from hunters looking for reverse-anthropomorphic mutated kids like Gus; and the "affliction," or plague, or major nasty event that's reduced the human population to a few nasty adult survivors with basic ulterior motives like staying alive at all costs and against all odds.

Raised by his Bible-reading father, Gus must leave the safety found in the woods he's known all his life. As he travels to a sanctuary with Jepperd, a two-fisted, tough as oak and emotionally as thick-skinned man with a bagful of candy and a secret, Gus learns more about the world outside and eventually meets other mutated kids showing different animal characteristics.

There's still more: Gus is nine years old. The affliction started seven years ago. So how can he be affected by mutation before the world was sent to places deep south by the contagion? It's a puzzle that Lemire assembles his minimalist but expressive panels around, showing closeups of Gus and the desperate people he meets reacting to each other and the near overwhelming loss surrounding them--and within them. Gus' innocence and naivete, the adults' complicity and duplicity, and the inevitable conflict between the two are dramatically visualized by Lemire with carefully paced and sequenced scenes and sparse narrative and dialog.

I almost passed this one up. I thought the antler-kid story too cute and indie-artsy based on the first issue's cover. I was wrong. It's about self-discovery, overcoming one's fear, and struggling through desperation. It will keep you reading to discover, along with Gus, what the Hell happened, why, and where more candy bars might be found.

LOTT D: Of Gods and Zombies and Holy Damnation

Godforsaken zombies benefit a lot from religion in horror movies and fiction. Ironic, isn't it? Or is it? Perhaps playing the damnation game makes them more attune to that infinite something that lingers over all of us, commands us, delivers us, curses us, or simply ignores us.

The members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers ponder that old time zombie religion. No collection box money necessary and you won't need to light any candles or bend a knee.

Monster Land glorifies the undead: Beyond the rotting veneer of your everyday reanimated corpse, there lies a host of archaic religious meanings stretching from Christianity to mythology of Ancient Sumer.

TheoFantastique explores infection versus resurrection: Where once they shuffled, now they run. Initially born of forbidden voodoo rituals or the sign of a religious apocalypse, for the past decade zombies have slowly metamorphosed into the by-products of something else entirely.

Groovy Age of Horror resurrects the Final Judgment: Zombies, vampires, Frankenstein monsters, beneficiaries of monkey paw wishes, etc. are generally thought to embody our fears of returning to life from the dead in some wrong way. But is there a right way?

Gospel of the Living Dead preaches zombies and religion: Zombies are probably the most human monsters.

Dr. Gangrene looks at all that flesh eating: The eating of flesh and drinking of blood are staples of horror movies, yet when you think about it they’re also both major themes of Christian theology, as ghoulish as that sounds.

Vault of Horror gobbles up transubstantiation: Just as Christians yearn to take in the power of Christ, and eat his flesh to do so, so does the zombie yearn to absorb the living.

Uranium Cafe wisely ignores religion altogether in The Invisible Invaders: The story, like many of the period, centers around the evils of atomic power and research. Almost anything evil found in the films of this period could find their origins in atomic research gone awry. And how much awry can an experiment go than to have a hand held test tube suddenly erupt into an atomic explosion.

Lost Highway makes sure to include one token rotten zombie movie for our pleasure: A local witch doctor’s daughter dies from some unnamed cancer and so he opens the door to hell for vengeance on the scientists. Usually Hell is only open weekends and Fridays.