Horror-Happening Slate

By Uncle Bob’s AI and JM Cozzoli

ZC: This is the report AI runs for me each week. I created it to keep up to date (as much as possible) with what’s horror-happening in movies and streaming. Take the review blurbs and ratings with a lot of salt.  If you rely on them, the best of luck with that. Please let me know if I missed anything worth noting.

This Friday’s horror slate is a study in contrasts. Don’t Move sends a giant, vibration-hunting prehistoric spider after a church retreat in the Ozarks, betting on B-movie fun over prestige scares in wide theatrical release. Meanwhile Mārama, fresh off winning the top prize at the Seattle International Film Festival, turns a Yorkshire manor into a reckoning with colonial violence on Shudder. Critics remain sharply split on Parasomnia, Shudder’s nightmare-logic chiller from earlier this month, which is still generating some of the loudest arguments in horror circles. Round it out with a Kino Lorber documentary on horror’s Haitian zombie roots, an Estonian chainsaw musical, and a couple of streaming-library reissues, and it’s a weirdly eclectic Friday for genre fans.

Don’t Move (2026)

Theatrical (wide release) – Opened September 11, 2026 – Directed by Maclain Nelson

A church group’s annual retreat to the Ozark wilderness turns deadly when they wander into the hunting ground of a giant, vibration-sensing prehistoric spider. The cast includes Rob Riggle, Tom Cavanagh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Hunter King, and Joseph Lee Anderson, with a cameo from T-Pain. The screenplay is co-written by James “Murr” Murray (Impractical Jokers) and Darren Wearmouth, adapting their own bestselling novel.

What They Say: Early reviews frame it as a broad, likable creature feature. Funny, briskly paced, and unafraid of its own silliness, though the CG spider effects and some performances land unevenly. Early audience buzz leans into “so bad it’s fun” creature-feature territory; genre forums are highlighting the film’s B-movie earnestness over any real scares.

“Rob Riggle is hilarious, as always.” – Rotten Tomatoes Critics Consensus

Skewed Angles to Ponder:

• How does Don’t Move fit into the post-Cocaine Bear wave of gleefully absurd creature features?
• Is a “vibration-hunting” monster just A Quiet Place with eight legs. Does that comparison help or hurt the film?
• Does casting comedic actors (Riggle, T-Pain) in a monster movie signal genre fatigue with straight-faced scares?
• Why is AI asking these questions?

Mārama (2026)

Streaming – Shudder (added September 11, 2026) – Directed by Taratoa Stappard

Grand Jury Prize winner, Seattle International Film Festival 2026

A young Māori woman travels from New Zealand to North Yorkshire, England after receiving a cryptic letter, and becomes a governess at a manor whose owner’s obsession with her culture is more possession than respect. A gothic tale of colonial violence and revenge.

What They Say: Widely praised as a rich, exquisitely crafted gothic horror that channels real historical trauma into genre form. The main knock is a deliberately slow burn that tests patience in places. Letterboxd and festival audiences have been enthusiastic, especially about the film’s visual craft and unflinching cultural politics; a minority of viewers flag the pacing as a barrier for casual horror fans.

“For all its real-world anguish and fictional dread, Mārama never collapses beneath the weight of its own seriousness.” – IndieWire

“The fury of [the lead] performance, nonetheless, keeps ‘Mārama’ a worthy anti-colonialist statement that harnesses the symbolic virtues of genre cinema for its understandably virulent tone.” – RogerEbert.com

Skewed Angles to Ponder:

• How does Mārama join a wave of “colonial gothic” horror (His House, Nanny) using the haunted-house template for real historical trauma?
• Does a 91-vs-63 critic split suggest the slow-burn approach divides horror-forward readers from drama-forward ones?
• What does it mean for a SIFF Grand Jury Prize winner to premiere on Shudder rather than in theaters?

Still With Us: Parasomnia (2026)

Streaming – Shudder (premiered September 4, 2026; still driving conversation this week) – Directed by James Ross II

Riley (Jasmine Mathews), plagued by severe night terrors linked to a childhood shadowed by murder-suicides, is stalked by recurring visions of a dungeon maze and a malevolent entity known as “The Seer.” Marks writer-director James Ross II’s feature debut.

What They Say: Sharply divided: Dread Central 4/5 vs. a RogerEbert.com pan; a clean case of genre-press/mainstream-critic divergence. A critic divide: horror-specialist outlets praise the nightmare logic and directorial confidence of a first-timer, while mainstream critics call it derivative and over-plotted by the third act. Genre message boards and horror-specific outlets are running considerably warmer than mainstream press – a split consistent with how Shudder originals tend to land: “true nightmare logic” earns goodwill from horror fans that mainstream critics don’t extend.

“A terrifying debut feature” with “wild paranormal lore and serious scares.” – Dread Central (4/5)

“A lifeless ball of shameless cliches and inert jumpscares struggling to earn your attention.” – RogerEbert.com

Skewed Angles to Ponder:

• Why do Shudder originals like Parasomnia so consistently split genre press from mainstream critics – taste gap, or context gap? (ZC: I’d say that genre press is more forgiving than non-genre. There’s also the commercial aspect that can drive the genre press’s relationship with those they critique.)
• Does the recurring “convoluted third act” critique point to a structural problem with debut horror features over-explaining their mythology? (ZC: For example: like how a movie such as Masters of the Universe ruined the beginning by providing a text book on the mythology before we could just get on with it? Why, yes.)
• What does James Ross II’s debut suggest about where Shudder is investing its original-content strategy in 2026?

Also Hitting the Ether

This Ghoul Gruel By:

Bloody Disgusting – “10 New Horror Movies Releasing In September 2026” – https://bloody-disgusting.com/movie/3966446/10-horror-movies-releasing-in-september/

iHorror – “Everything New in Horror Streaming This Weekend: September 11 to 13, 2026” – https://ihorror.com/new-horror-streaming-this-weekend-september-11-13-2026/

Movies and Mania – “DON’T MOVE Giant spider horror! Overview and trailer” – https://moviesandmania.com/2026/07/15/dont-move-2026-creature-feature-giant-spider-monster-movie-film-overview-trailer/

Rotten Tomatoes – Don’t Move (2026) – https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dont_move_2026

IndieWire – “‘Mārama’ Review: Fierce Māori Gothic Horror Triumph Wins SIFF 2026” – https://www.indiewire.com/criticism/movies/marama-review-siff-new-zealand-horror-1235194507/

RogerEbert.com – “Mārama movie review & film summary” – https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/marama-gothic-horror-film-review-2026

Metacritic – Mārama Reviews – https://www.metacritic.com/movie/mrama/

RogerEbert.com – “Parasomnia review: Shudder’s latest will put you to sleep” – https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/parasomnia-shudder-movie-review-2026

Dread Central – Parasomnia review – https://www.heavenofhorror.com/reviews/parasomnia-shudder-horror/

Variety – “‘Black Zombie’ Review: Engaging Doc on the Politics of Zombie Cinema” – https://variety.com/2026/film/reviews/black-zombie-review-1236823838/

Screen Anarchy – “BLACK ZOMBIE Review: Engaging, Insightful Work of Cultural Criticism” – https://screenanarchy.com/2026/09/black-zombie-review-engaging-insightful-work-of-cultural-criticism.html

Dread Central – “‘Chainsaws Were Singing’ Review: A Riotous Horror-Comedy Musical Not to Be Missed” – https://www.dreadcentral.com/reviews/550611/chainsaws-were-singing-review-a-riotous-horror-comedy-musical-not-to-be-missed/

TechRadar – “7 new horror movies on Netflix, Paramount+, Shudder, and more in September 2026” – https://www.techradar.com/streaming/7-new-horror-movies-on-netflix-hbo-max-shudder-and-more-in-september-2026