Movie Review: The Final Destination (2009) Shades of Death Over Leaves of Grass

Rating 3 of 7: Good

"What are you doing?" asked Zombos.

I dog-eared the page I was reading in New Genre 6. "I'm sorry?"

"You have not written your review of The Final Destination," he said.

"Death goes a-deathing. People die horribly. What's more to say beyond that?

"You see, there, that is your problem. You are not creative enough. Now, I have been thinking of ways you can add je ne sais quoi to your reviews. They have been rather stale lately."

"Really?" I said, but not with much enthusiasm.

He continued, ignoring my lack of enthusiasm. "Yes. For instance, why not look at doing a review in a completely different way."

"Way?" I asked.

"Way." He jabbed his right forefinger into his left palm. "Take The Final Destination." He rested his forefinger on his chin. "Let me think, yes; I have the perfect answer to creatively review it: Walt Whitman." He waved his forefinger for emphasis.

"Walt Whitman?" I asked.

"Yes, Walt Whitman. Leaves of Grass. I hear America Singing. There. Now go, fly with it!" He flew out of the room, leaving me with one of those conundrum in a peanut shell situations we all face now and then. I seem to get them a lot, though. I put New Genre 6 aside and jotted down my review for The Final Destination. If Walt Whitman were a zombie he' eat me for sure after this.

I Hear the Deathly Screaming (in The Final Destination)

I hear Nick and Lori, Hunt and Janet screaming, and cussing, and breathing heavy and hard, their varied shrieks of fear I hear,
From death's mechanics, each one swung with his scythe wide, as it should be blithe
and strong, whilst wacking heads and limbs akimbo, bone and muscle, and formerly high spirits,
into fallow, shallow ground of McKinley Speedway, and everywhere else they run
Nick shrieking his premonitions, he measures his chances, nail and coffin width long, as George (the security guard) runs in fright from his inevitable smackdown, tries hanging himself,
but still no good
Lori hissy-fitting her bewilderment as she makes ready for ignoring death's hooves fastly approaching, or leaves off
salvation by not believing in Nick's foreshadows of graveyard co-ops, for all, coming soon enough,
Hunt bemoaning Charon's dire boatman dirging of what belongs to him in his rotting boat, the pool man cursing the
sticky mess Hunt leaves behind, all suckered innards spouting in fountains of grue, clearing out the pool real fast, as
sparking electrical circuits burn bright (lots of that in this movie, too)
Janet screaming as she drives through her car wash, the bristly-brushes whizzing closer as she sticks her head in their way,
but stay the Grand Guignol hand and spoil the girl, to vain thoughts of
giddily escaping death's plan--
until later, when he can dish it out even worse, of course
Lori's song of mistaken relief, the deathboy's not on his way in the morning, or at nooning intermission, or at
sundowning, to sharpen his blade 'gainst wet red oozing twitching body parts
The delicious grinding of the escalator, or zinging of the shearing metal flying, or the phat tire splatting, or the
air-compressed canister flattening, all in marvelously punctuated 3-D
Each groaning what body parts belong to him or her and to no one else, though it's all mixed up
The day what belongs to death—at night the parade of dead
teens, robustly still dead, or dying, or waiting their turn
Screaming with open mouths, when left intact, their strong outcries in stereophonic crescendos, 'gainst awaiting another destination,
'cause it ain't over yet 'til the fat lady gets hers (or the audience stops coming, but then they'll reimagine, rework, rewrite, rethink, rekindle this franchise till no one else remains, but death grinning over all)

Comments

[Final Destination 4]

ha! It's funny you've just posted it because i've only finished watching this movie about 20 minutes ago. I actually thought it was ok, but not the best of films.

[Iloz Zoc]

It is fun. Definitely much more so because of 3D. But the focus keeps it Rube Goldberg deathy, so that's the only thing that keeps it going. I thought the opening credit sequence, and the last, were stylish.