Welcome to Zombos' Closet, a rather dark and cloying place, filled with untold treasures and just plain lousy stuff Zombos keeps stuffing into it. You remember Zombos, don’t you? A grade B actor in numerous grade C horror movies, most of which are forgotten by his few remaining and decaying fans. He is such an aging dilettante; always looking backward, while reluctantly edging forward into the new age of horror. He pines for the old, less gory days, but secretly enjoys those zombies and slashers. And I, his patient and understanding servant, am charged with finding more and more room in his immense closet to accommodate his passions of the moment.
I am Iloz Zoc, full-time--and long suffering--valet to Zombos. Within these pages you will meet the others who live and visit his mansion on the Gold Coast of Long Island in New York as Zombos and I delve into the horror of it all. For the fun of it.
- Zimba (Zombos' wife)
- Zombos Jr (Zombos' son)
- Glenor Glenda (housekeeper with a mysterious past)
- Lawn Gisland ( all six feet and three inches of him. Having starred in numerous Westerns on the big screen during the twenties and thirties, he and Zombos go way back together. He hung up his spurs in the late fifties and retired to Florida to wrestle gators for the tourists. Getting bored with that, he had an itch and scratched it by touring as a circus cowboy, doing trick shooting and fancy riding for the Smith and Walloo Brothers three-in-one tent show. For a man his age, he doesn't show it. Zombos often jokes that Lawn must keep a decrepit looking portrait in his attic like Dorian Gray. All joking aside, I think he's right)
- Jimmy Sosumi (Zombos' crackerjack estate lawyer)
- Paul Hollstenwall (annoying neighbor and purveyor of bad movies. The Hollstenwalls live at 0004 Gravestart Lane, a short energetic walk from the mansion.)
- Pretorius (eccentric and quite ancient groundskeeper)
- Chef Machiavelli (a culinary god. Only speaks Italian)
- Curly Joe (plumber who invariably gets lost every time he visits the mansion)
- Sebastien the Leprechaun (lives in the mansion's basement, grew up in France, and has a pair of magical tap-dancing shoes)
- Steve Brown (UPS driver and world adventurer. We'd be lost without him)
Zombos' Closet's Rating System
- One: Poor
- Two: Fair
- Three: Good
- Four: Very Good
- Five: Excellent
- Six: Classic
- Seven: Sublime
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