From Zombos Closet

Book Review: Know Your Enemy
War Against the Walking Dead

WatwdZombos Says: Very Good

You and your fighters in the war against the walking dead need to be aware of these different stages of zombie—fresh, putrefied and desiccated. Know their capabilities and what helps to create or sustain them. Drier weather will lead to more desiccated zombies, humid more bloaters and a severe cold snap will arrest many ghouls at the ‘fresh’ phase, which can be particularly dangerous as your forces may mistake them for humans. Remember, no zombie can speak and their lumbering movements will always give them away but don’t assume anything—be sure and be safe.

 

I don’t quite get the fascination with zombies in meta-reality. All that shifting of supposition–the undead really, truly, exist or can or will exist–through dichotomous rationalizations from fiction to fact, and unreal to real, simply isn’t my cup of tea. Then again, I don’t get the zombie dress-up fad, either. Stumbling and drooling around on a weekend afternnon can be a drag. I rather keep my zombies on the page, in my head, and dead, dead, dead, as well as chomping at the bit every chance they get.

Sean T. Page prefers his zombies real and life-threatening. In his War Against the Walking Dead, he mixes pseudo-historical data with pseudo-science, adds tactical methodology and weaponry deployment (medieval to contemporary), and presumes the worst has happened: the world is overun, you’re on the run (only pausing long enough to read his self-help guide), and the fight is on. Here and there you’ll sense a bit of tongue in cheekiness, but it’s not too firmly planted, so I’m not all that sure if Page is truly fully bonkers or simply winking-crackers nutty over zombies stepping into the real world.

The armoured bank truck—transport troops in safety (no pin number required)

Much more common than military vehicles, this adaptation works just as well with delivery trucks etc. It involves fitting out these vehicles as mobile command posts and troop carriers. So we are talking about seating, a small table, improved communications and crucially, the installation of a trapdoor at the bottom or on top of the vehicle for emergencies. Something to watch out for here is that some trucks have doors that open outwards, making it easy for a pile of ghouls to trap troops inside if the vehicle breaks down or becomes stuck.

Stick figure drawings and simple pencil sketches illustrate important points or factoids here and there, and numerous historical references are cited. For instance, in the chapter on static defenses against the walking dead, Page discusses the proper way to build a zombie-proof wall using The Francis Formula. Captain Francis, a French captain in Napoleon’s Egyptian campaign, laid out a set of measurements for building anti-zombie fortifications that could withstand the destabilizing forces a zombie horde would exert on them. Particular note is made of the ghoul-step and how it can affect your height requirements, and of the horizontal pressures that will build up as more and more zombies claw their way forward. For defense sans fortifications, Page discusses the Roman Army’s infantry tactic of the triple line battle order, and the infantry square variation.

 

Where personal armament is concerned, aside from the usual firearms recommendations (AK 47, Heckler & Koch G3), the more basic edged weapons are recommended, including the halberd (wonderful for fighting werewolves, too, I use one all the time) and the common heavy sword for cleaving heads in two. I’d recommend staying away from the two-handed varieity as those are too heavy and you’ll tire quickly in combat slashing and thrashing with it, and double-edged works better than single–don’t forget, you’ll have zombies in back of you as well as in front.

I’m surprised Page doesn’t mention the mace as a suitable weapon. One with flanges or knobs to allow greater penetration of the cranium per blow would be aces in my bag of zombie survival gear. I also don’t fully agree with the inclusion of the crossbow as it’s arguably not more effective than a compound bow in certain respects . The weight of a crossbow is distributed unevenly, unlike a compound bow, making it hard to wield. While it’s easier to learn how to shoot with one (Page notes it was termed the peasant’s weapon because it was easy to master), arming one can be a vexingly fatal experience when confronted by a gang of anxious zombies. The compound bow is more supple and maneuverable in this respect.

Other weapons I’d recommend would be…Oh, crap, now he’s got me doing it.

Zombies are not real, zombies are not real, zombies are not…

Halloween Eureka Dracula Decoration

It's surprising that a man who imbibes blood so assiduously can be so sartorially perfect. He sleeps on dirt for chrissakes! And yet his formal wear is always pressed, his hair perfectly combed, and his white shirt and starched cuffs always white and stiff. Amazing. Now that's the supernatural for you.

The vampire bat (now honeycomb pop-out) and cute rat from Eureka's jointed skeleton are friends to Dracula, too. The colors, the dripping red "Dracula," and  his blood-stained teeth provide enough sinister and horror to make the Halloween season merry (for fans, anyway).

I wonder why he's holding his pocket watch, showing the midnight hour? Is he telling us we're being toasted at midnight, but only he's the one drinking?

eureka dracula halloween decoration

My Halloween: The Disney Experience

2775658571_db594a3d8f_bFive questions asked over a glowing Jack o'Lantern, under an Autumn moon obscured by passing clouds…in between mouthfuls of candy corn…with Trader Sam of The Disney Experience

Why is Halloween important to you?

It’s so different from the hum-drum life that we all lead throughout the rest of the year. I mean, you do the same things day-to-day, week-to-week. But, Halloween. Oh, Halloween! It’s the one month where we can step away for a while and do things we normally wouldn’t do. Wear things we normally wouldn’t wear. Act in ways we normally wouldn’t act. We need that, I think. I need that.

I typically get the Halloween bug around July, and it grows as October nears. When I can afford it, I dress up the front walkway and scare trick-or-treaters. The neighborhood kids really enjoy it, and they talk about it for weeks. It’s fun, but a lot of work for just one night. Sometimes, I like to take the year off to be the scare-ee rather than the scare-er.

Now for some shameless plugs, but only because they show how far Halloween I like to spread the holiday cheer . . .

If you’re a Disney fan, a Google search will eventually take you to a website called The Disney Experience, which I own and run. Every year (right now, in fact), I transform it into The Haunted Experience, with some sort of spooky overlay. It’s a fun annual re-design, and I always design something special to be released on Halloween. I look forward to it, and one year I took it a step further.

I decided to take my love of Disney, Halloween, and trick-or-treating and combine them into an online trick-or-treating website called Doorless Chambers (www.doorlesschambers.com). Web guests would go from site to site, downloading original digital goodies from Disney fan sites. Sadly, it only lasted for a couple of years. It was a mess to maintain and organize, and the funding just wasn’t there. I’ve been thinking of bringing it back one of these years now that I think I have the kinks worked out.

Lastly, I am a papercraft designer, and I’ve been creating Halloween papercrafts for the past 2-3 years. I sell them online from my portfolio website (www.navadesigns.net), and I’ve recently made the decision to sell them year-round. They’re small punch-out paper toys that only require a little bit of glue. They make great gifts for kids or can be given out at Halloween parties. They’re just one more way of spreading the Halloween fun!

Describe your ideal Halloween.

My ideal Halloween? I don’t have one. I have several. Here’s a list:

  1. Free reign of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. No cast members, technicians, or maintenance people except for those needed behind-the-scenes to make sure that the attraction runs smoothly all night long.
  2. Having the funds to design, create, and build an interactive haunted house on my front lawn. Something with a lot of hallways that can secretly swivel and/or slide around when guests are not looking, creating a maze of confusion and panic. Wicked fun!
  3. Having unlimited funds to create an entire haunted town out of my entire street. Something like a block party where the public could trick-or-treat, too.
  4. Taking my nephews to Mickey’s Halloween Party at Disneyland.
  5. Creating a life-size robotic T-rex that I could climb into and “drive” through the neighborhood, scaring kids.

I lie awake at night thinking of things like this.

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What Halloween collectibles do you cherish, or hate, or both?

I’m a Disney fan at heart. I always have been. So, it’s no surprise that I’m a Haunted Mansion (all incarnations) fan. I even own a copy of the Haunted Mansion movie just to see the references to the attraction. How geeky is that?

After Walt Disney died, there was a debate between the Disney Imagineers about whether the Haunted Mansion should be scary or humorous. In the end, the two were combined to create, I think, the perfect combination between scary (more spooky than scary, really) and funny. Nothing really terrorizes you, but it leaves some room for your imagination which can REALLY terrorize you. There’s nothing quite like scaring yourself.

I am also a fan of Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas (surprise, surprise). I think I own three different copies of the album. In fact, I’m listening to Nightmare Revisited as I type this. Yeah, another geeky moment for me.

I love old things. Books, antiques, cobwebs, run-down turn-of-the-century houses . . . anything with a link to the macabre, really.

I’m not a big fan of the cutsie/kiddy Halloween themes. Jack-o-lanterns, witches, black cats, ghosts, and the like just are not meant to look cute. The exception to this rule is vintage Halloween ephemera. Those had a way of being kid-friendly without looking childish. And, the art design is just freakin’ cool (do a Google search for “vintage Halloween”)!

Alright . . . one thing that I absolutely loathe about Halloween is the needless use of blood and gore. Halloween is supposed to be scary. Blood and gore is just gross. I want to be spooked, not made nauseous. That’s a problem with modern “horror” movies nowadays (for me, at least). That’s not to say there are not appropriate times to use blood and gore. Use it wisely.

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When was your very first Halloween, the one where you really knew it was Halloween, and how was it?

My dad once worked with a police officer in my home town. The officer’s last name was ‘Scorpino’. It’s a cool-sounding name, kind of like ‘scorpion’. It’s an appropriately spooky name in fact. He lived in an old 2-3 story Victorian-inspired house. On any night of the year, it looked like your stereotypical haunted house. On Halloween week, it actually became a haunted house.

This man and his family used Hollywood-quality props and special effects inside and out! I never went inside as a kid (was there an age limit?), but I hear that he had tours through various haunted rooms that were supposed to be very scary. The garage was set up as a mini walkthrough for the younger crowd.

My best memory of that house was the front porch. From the outside, it looked like any other porch with a clear overview of the cemetery (the lawn). But, when you walked up the steps and looked out, it appeared to be raining. Honest-to-goodness rain! I’m still trying to figure out how he did that one.

Scorpino’s house was my first true taste of Halloween.

What's the one Halloween question you want to be asked and what's your answer?

Q: Do you ever tire of it?

A: No, not really. I get tired of some things, but I always try to change it up in some way to keep it fresh. For example, I’ve been meddling with a twist on an existing special effect for my porch dress-up.

A couple of years ago, I came up with this effect where trick-or-treaters (TOTs) would enter a room with black walls and ceiling. The room was decorated with candles, portraits, and other wall fixtures. With the help of a black light, it looks like a black room. But, one wall is really a black void. That’s where I lurk, dressed in black with glowing red eyes. I can jump out almost anywhere, and it freaks people out when the eyes float in or out of the “wall.”

I’m working on a new twist on that theme where TOTs would enter a black room with a door. Thinking that they’re supposed to go through the door, they’d eventually discover that they have to go through what they originally thought was a wall. I see some potential for pranks here.

I’m getting geeky again.

Halloween Eureka Skeleton Decoration

What makes this 43 inch Eureka jointed skeleton paper decoration so gravely great is the honeycomb Jack o'Lantern he's holding. You just don't see this kind of Halloween illustration anymore. It's creepy not cute, yet not threatening. How can skeletons holding Jack o'Lanterns be threatening (if his arms were empty then I'd worry). He's even got a pet vampire bat with sharp fangs. Cool.

eureka halloween skeleton with jack o lantern

My Halloween: Lisa Morton

Witchnoisemaker Five questions asked over a glowing Jack o'Lantern, under an Autumn moon obscured by passing clouds…in between mouthfuls of candy corn…with author Lisa Morton

Why is Halloween important to you?

Wow, I could write an entire book to answer that…oh, wait – I've written three already! Okay, seriously…Halloween is just such a rich holiday that operates on so many levels. As a kid, I loved the empowerment of wearing a costume and being paid off in candy (and the better the costume, the more candy!).

As an adult, I love the creativity, the seasonal aspect as we change from summer to winter, and the celebration of fear but done in a whimsical way. I think it's healthy to have one night a year where we, collectively, impersonate, mock, and honor death.

Describe your ideal Halloween.

I love seeing what people do to transform both themselves and their surroundings on Halloween. Every year I drive to locations where I've heard there are spectacular home displays (those are also usually where you get the best trick or treat costumes). I love the seasonal foods, so I have to eat a pumpkin stew and pumpkin seeds and even Halloween cookies from a local bakery. I'll probably wrap up the night by tuning in whatever horror movie or special is on television – the older the better!I'm ashamed to say I've never been to our local West Hollywood celebration, but I'm not a huge fan of crowds or traffic.

Owlnoisemaker What Halloween collectibles do you cherish, or hate, or both?

Oh boy, I've got a lot I love. As the author of three illustrated Halloween books, it's been (ahem) convenient to collect a lot of stuff that I could use as illustrations in the books, everything from vintage postcards to antique books to modern folk art and toys. But I think I have a special fondness for vintage noisemakers.

One of my favorite pieces of Halloween non-fiction writing is an essay by Carl B. Holmberg called "Things That Go Snap-Rattle-Clang-Toot-Crank in the Night: Halloween Noisemakers" (from the book HALLOWEEN AND OTHER FESTIVALS OF DEATH AND LIFE), and that essay really got me started on noisemakers. Strangely enough, I never used noisemakers as a kid (apparently they never really made it to the west coast), but I just love their colorful graphics and the idea of kids making scads of noise with these things on Halloween night. I've attached photos of two that are probably my favorites: You can't beat that image of the witch with her cats, and the winking owl with the jack-o'-lantern just somehow always make me smile.

When was your very first Halloween, the one where you really knew it was Halloween, and how was it?

The first one I really remember was probably when I was in first grade (I think I was seven), and my favorite show was this ridiculous thing called IT'S ABOUT TIME with cavemen, so I wanted to be a cavewoman. My dad's a hunter (and still is, at 83!), so he made me this costume from an honest-to-God deer hide, and my mom ratted out my hair, and it was all very authentic. The only bummer part was that I was too small to lift a real wooden club, so I had a plastic club. I remember parading proudly in the school costume pageant around the playground, and being really proud of that costume.

What's the one Halloween question you want to be asked and what's your answer?

Q: Lisa, if you could travel back in time to witness Halloween in the past, when/where would you go to?

A: Well, Lisa, that's a tough one…but I think I'd have to say that I would love to take part in an 18th-century Scottish party, such as Robert Burns describes in his poem "Hallowe'en". The night was one full of magic and romance and a little bit of spookiness, and it's no wonder the Scots loved the holiday so much.

My Halloween: Sally Bosco

Sally Bosco cat Five questions asked over a glowing Jack o'Lantern, under an Autumn moon obscured by passing clouds…in between mouthfuls of candy corn…with dark fiction author Sally Bosco

Why is Halloween important to you?

I like to make fairly elaborate costumes and get dressed up for Halloween. My favorite costume of all time is anime character, Kitty Cat Sakura (see photo in this article.) Beyond that, I like the feeling of the restless spirits walking the Earth. It gives us a knowing that there’s something beyond this physical plane. When I had a home dungeon every day felt like Halloween, but the room was breaking down and I had to have it knocked down and replaced it with a sunroom. So now Halloween is pretty much back to once a year. Another reason I like Halloween is that it’s the one day out of the year that adults legitimately get to play.

Describe your ideal Halloween.

I’d make elaborate costumes for myself and my boyfriend, Eric. We’d meet our friends, Peter Pan and Tinker Bell and go out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, Carmine’s in Ybor City, in Tampa, Florida and then we’d go to the best Goth bar ever, The Castle. People at The Castle are very serious about their costumes, so it’s always a spectacle and a huge blast. I’ve visited Goth bars in a lot of different cities, and nobody does it better than they do.

What Halloween collectibles do you cherish, or hate, or both?

My favorite Halloween artifacts are my Living Dead Dolls, especially Sadie and Walpurgis. I keep them on my writing table for company and inspiration. The other Living Dead Dolls pretty much hang out in my bookcase. Sometimes I find them in different positions in the morning, but that might be due to my cats. I like to think they move on their own, however.

When was your very first Halloween, the one where you really knew it was Halloween, and how was it?

My parents dressed me up like Snow White and took me around to relatives’ houses. They didn’t want me to do the door-to-door trick-or-treat thing until I was older. Yes, I was an only child and very sheltered. It was still great though, because at that point it was all I knew, and I loved the creepy feeling of Halloween from the very first.

What's the one question you want to be asked and what's your answer?

Q: What was your most memorable Halloween spent away from home?

A: One year I went to Paris for Halloween, and I was so excited I even took some bat wings with me. But then I found that they don’t celebrate Halloween at all. The only people who were dressed up were in theShakespeare Book Store, which is American. It was still a great night, though. It was odd to realize that Halloween isn’t universal.

Hope everyone has the best Halloween ever!

Sally writes young adult horror/paranormal novels. Her newest release is The Werecat Chronicles, available on Amazon.

Book Review: The Monster’s Corner

Monsterscornerbook

Zombos Says: Very Good

Ghoulies, ghosties, beasties, here be monsters all, hobnobbing their way through the mortal realm in 19 tales assembled by Christopher Golden, with book-body parts supplied by Jonathan Maberry, David Liss, Kevin J. Anderson, Nate Kenyon, Sarah Pinborough, and many more. Squatting in the monster's corner is you, metaphorically speaking of course, as the next meal, the next victim, and next sideline viewer or partaker of nasty events. Identifying who the monsters and victims are can be a little challenging because sometimes they swap places or appear similar, depending on your vantage point, and the tone of monstrosity varies from story to story, as does the terror. 

Perhaps the clearest monstrous vision here is seen through Pinborough's The Screaming Room. Having snakes for hair and turning people to stone doesn't make the Gorgon a social butterfly, but when her dates do eventually show up, she does get to spend a very long time with them, enjoying their constant song of love. Only they aren't singing and she's deluding herself, turning her loneliness into happiness. A simple premise sustains a truly terrifying revelation, and this story will not easily leave you once you put the book aside.

Often the monster ranks are swelled by those we unleash ourselves, and in Maberry's Saint John, you may be hard pressed to find the saints, but sinners abound. Armageddon leads to madness, but sometimes madness can lead to redemption, and here the sinners must face a holy roller to reckon with, dressed in swirling white robes and long sharp blades wielding salvation.  Not surprisingly, coming from an author who specializes in death and destruction in apocalyptic measures, Maberry creates an unbalanced world populated with unbalanced people, and places his heroic protagonist, who's either deep-dish crazy, made so by the monstrous events of his past, or following God's crib-notes, within it, preaching one slash and thrust sermon at a time. There's an intimacy here as Maberry focuses on one small street corner and those people stepping into it, coming under Saint John's light. Victims and monsters are interchangeable. Salvation is tenuous. The emotional complexity deep and disturbing. Maberry may have created a new and noble antihero ripe for novelization.

For a swim with Lovecraftian primevalness, Tananarive Due brings us to Graceville, Florida in The Lake. Abbie's new job, new house, new life is growing on her so much she's becoming a whole new person; or thing, anyway. People say not to swim in the lake in summer, though the reasons are hushingly unclear. She swims anyway. The lake's calm water is so inviting. Slowly changes in her attitude start to match the physical changes between her toes, and the changes in her appetite. Is she dreaming? Is she delusional? Is she embracing a whole new Abbie? Her understated tranformation unfolds in carefully building paragraphs, rendering the terror mood gently and matter of factly, until the ending reminds you it's not wise to swim in the Graceville Lake during the summer months.

You won't find gore or check-the-door scares in The Monster's Corner, but you will find, hanging out in its dark recesses,  a well varied assortment of true monsters, seeming monsters, and would-be monsters, all either vying for your understanding–as carefully outlined in Gary A. Braunbeck's witty And Still You Wonder Why Our First Impulse Is To Kill You–or your blood.