From Zombos Closet

Reflections

Final Destination 5
Ode On A Deathly Turn

Urn

THOU 5th installment of gory loudness,

Thou oft repeated script of messy deaths in time and time again,

Cinema horror fan, who canst thus express

Such bread and butter tales more bloodily than our rhyme:

What bowel-fringed tissue fragments haunt about thy screen

Round loose heads or flopping appendages, or of both,

In air flying or across floors smearing, outside or in?

What victims are these? What maidens quartered thus?

Which death pursues? What struggle to escape when sequels beckon?

What screams and entrails? What wild ecstatic gore?

Seen terminus’s are sweet, but those bleeding reddest

  Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft impalings, gut on;

Not to the sensual eye, but, more endear’d,

Slice to the entrails, tear the eyes, these messy ditties:

Fair youth, beneath the car, thou canst not breath

  Thy song of fear, nor ever can these scenes be fair;

Bold victim, never, never canst thou live,

Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;

You cannot fade, though thou hast not thy stomach nor other bodily parts,

For ever wilt thou die, for Death be not fair!

Ah, happy, happy fans! that cannot shed

  Your quest for gore, nor ever bid the grue adieu;

And, happy dramatist, unwearièd,

For ever piping scripts for ever over and over again;

More happy death! more happy, happy death!

For ever breathing warm, and wet, sopped to overflowing,

For ever panting, and for ever young;

All breathing human misery far above,

That leaves a heart bursting forth, and cloyed over rest,

On burning forehead, a dislodged tongue, or cleaved breast.

Who are these critics coming to the sacrifice?

To what film altar, O mysterious critic,

Lead’st thou that review lowing at the tale,

And all its slimey flanks with gorelands drest?

What nestled town by river or sea-shore,

Or home-built citadel in city or temple,

Is emptied of its victims, this pious morn?

And, nestled town, thy streets for evermore

  Will no longer silent be; and not a soul, to tell

    Why thou’s art’s so desolate, can e’er return,

Till sequel plays havoc once again.

O terror shape! fear attitude! with dread

Of creature men and bosomy maidens overwrought,

With frightful branches thick with the trodden bowels;

  Thou, noisome form! dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold tableau!

When old age shall this generation waste,

Thou shalt remain, to kindle other woe, more

  Than ours, a fiend to all, to whom thou say’st,

‘Horror is truth, truth horror,—that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,

Till the next final destination.

 

by John M. “Keets” Cozzoli

Gullibles Travels
Or, Been There And Back Again

Donkeys_assWith the Rapture soon upon us–not, I take comfort in reading the many books on the folly of crowds, parade of madness-spouting end-of-dayers, and unfathomable stupidity of endlessly gullible followers who apparently have no day job to keep them busy. And yes, I believe in God, but not the religions that have sprung up like weeds, so intent on constantly interpreting the Word. Neither do I suffer the doomsday prognostications of silly interpreters who–seriously–need to brush up on their spiritual language skills. And since God's busy running the Universe, he leaves us alone to make our own decisions, no strings attached. The only strings are the ones we pull, and boy, there are a lot of puppets doing crazy dances out there.

Me, I'm going to IHOP tomorrow and getting a big honking stack of pancakes to celebrate another doomsday missed, but not forgotten. Any of you Rapture folk want to join me, I'm buying.  Besides, it's not even 2012 yet!

  • Extraordinary Delusions and the Madness of Crowds by Charles MacKay — now available for 99 cents as a Kindle ebook. Like a circus sideshow, you will be amazed and amused, but here it's how dumb people can be enraptured in the ballyhoo of the masses.
  • The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind by Gustave Le Bon — written in the 1800s so language and discussion is based on the time period and its events. Still contains valuable insights on "crowd contol."
  • How to Be a Charlatan and Make Millions by Jim Williams — ten lessons in cheating, lying, and taking advantage of the gullible to reach the top of the heap.
  • Mystics and Messiahs: Cults and New Religions in American History by Philip Jenkins — yeah, what's new is old is new again.

For those disapppointed the world is still here come May 22, get over it.

Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With

20110223093457_001 I recently reorganized my library and came across this fanzine I almost started when I was 19 . I say almost because after printing up the first issue of Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With, Phil Seuling's assessment of it made me tuck my tail between my legs and hide the issue.

He avoided me as long as he could at the 1975 Comic Art Convention in New York City, but I finally pinned him down. He didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he also was a professional and told me why my little endeavor wasn't very professional. After doing all that mechanical paste up and typing on a borrowed clunker's rigid keys to put it together, I didn't put up much of a fight. He was right. He was a good friend.

But for posterity, here's the first story I ever wrote, the Waters From Merom. I think I've gotten better, but when I get up enough courage to actually send out my recent work, I'm sure I'll find out one way or the other. My story appeared in another fanzine around that time, though I can't think of its name.  Lovecraft was and still is a heavy influence on me.

Just don't forget I was 19 at the time and it's my first story. I can't take any more criticism right now. Don't even bother asking about my pseudonym. My mind's drawing a blank on that one.

20110223093619_001
20110223093600_001
0011_001

They’re Closing My Borders Bookstore

Borders_store_closing Do you remember the Night Gallery episode, They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar? It's the matching bookend to Rod Serling's Twilight Zone episode, Walking Distance.

They aren't horrific in the usual sense of the word, but they're both terrifying nonetheless. Both are about time marching on and how change happens around you, through you, in spite of you, and how you don't change–because you can't or won't or just plain get your butt stuck in the middle.

A transcendental fly, mired on some decade by decade sticky paper, you keep wiggling your little life's butt–and go nowhere. The kicker is you're still moving, even though you're ass isn't. You have no choice. Time's beating it's chronological fly swatter, hard, around you, swiping out the places, the people, and eventually all the sweet things you buzz around. And it sucks having to watch them go.

I'm going to miss the Borders they're closing in Westbury. It is better than Tim Riley's bar. It is close. It is convenient. It is comforting. It's where I spent time watching my son grow up from reading picture books to young adult vampire novels. It's where, after Tower Records crashed, my next favorite magazine place–before Borders downsized the racks–kept me coming back for new issues, fresh coffee, and stale pastries. It's where my family goes a few times each month to browse, to lounge, to explore. To be a family.

You remember browsing, don't you? It's a quaint ritual–not the same as web surfing–a little bitty thing, where you make time stand still on purpose, and directionless, so you can peek and prod around the usually hidden edges of may-be-interesting.

Catch my drift? Catch my key action word here? I don't think Borders did. In time it became too often that too few books and magazines were there to browse. Too often I was told the bookstore could order it for me, and I'll see it in a few days. Why bother? I can order online and get it faster.

I'm kind of sad, kind of annoyed. Bookstores are like libraries. There's something reassuring in being able to walk up and down their aisles, directionless, timeless, without a search query based on what somebody else thinks I'm looking for pointing the way. And when you've done it for a time in the same place, you start feeling like that guy in They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar, even if you only drink coffee, and even though they're just books after all, when it goes away.

It’s 5 Movie Gimmicks Time!

Five movie gimmicks to pack the seats, for your edification pleasure. Lobby cards from Professor Kinema’s files.

Percepto and The Tingler

“Percepto! was a gimmick where William Castle attached electrical “buzzers” to the underside of several seats in movie theaters where The Tingler was scheduled to be screened. The buzzers were small surplus vibrators left over from World War II. The cost of this equipment added $250,000 to the film’s budget. It was predominantly used in the larger theaters. During the climax of the film, The Tingler was depicted escaping into a generic movie theater. On screen the projected film appeared to break as the silhouette of the tingler moved across the projection beam. The film went black, all lights in the auditorium (except fire exit signs) were turned off, and Vincent Price’s voice warned the audience “The Tingler is loose in THIS theater! Scream! Scream for your lives!” This cued the theatre projectionist to activate the buzzers and give several audience members an unexpected jolt.”  (from Wikipedia)

20110214131702_001

Psychorama and My World Dies Screaming 

“In 1958, a film called My World Dies Screaming (later retitled Terror in the Haunted House) marked Hollywood’s first attempt to make use of this technique. At different points in this film, a skull is flashed to inspire terror, a snake to inspire hate, two hearts to inspire love, and large letters spelling out “blood” to create fear. The following year, 1959, saw another film produced using this same format, titled A Date with Death. Both movies starred Gerald Mohr. ” (from Wikipedia)

20110214131724_001

The Screaming Skull and Free Burial Services

“The Screaming Skull begins with a voiceover explaining that the film is so frightening it may kill members of the audience, and that American International Pictures is prepared to pay for any burial services and funeral costs. During the voiceover, the camera pans inside an empty casket containing a note that reads “Reserved for you” “. (from Wikipedia)

20110214131749_001

Hynovista and Horrors of the Black Museum

“In the opening prologue [of Horrors of the Black Museum], a “real hypnotist” actually hypnotizes the audience, giving them “hypnovision”, so that they will fully experience every thrilling moment of the film: see the vat of death!; feel the icy hands!; see the binocular murder!; and feel the tightening noose! Hypnovista was used only once – apparently not enough qualified hypnotists to go around for future film releases.” (from the Script Lab)

20110214131809_001

Cannibal Girls and the Warning Bell

“It is about three young women being led by a Reverend who preaches cannibalism. The story gives off an urban legend feel, and was made as a spoof of traditional horror films. This cult movie is known for the ‘warning bell’ gimmick, which rang in theatres to warn the more squeamish members of the audience for impending gory scenes.” (from Wikipedia)

cannibal girls

You Are What You Ignore

Print002

Horror movies are fun. I don't deny that. And I argue that they have their place in society–they show the evil that resides in the human heart and our desperate need both for God and for a savior. Since all films, all stories are, in effect, instruction manuals on how to live within this world, horror films must not operate by a different set of rules. When films give bad life-lessons, they should be called out for what they are: just plain wrong. (Scot Nehring, Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films)

In Scott Nehring's January Movies and Culture Report, the article Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films takes on torture porn and the dominance of nihilism in modern horror movies, or as he calls them, troubling productions. I agree with his reasoning but disagree with his conclusions and how he views horror through his Christian lens: distortion comes from using that lens.

To be fair, I will describe the lens I use before dissenting. I'm not a Christian, but I grew up Catholic (in body, not spirit). I don't attend mass, do not fear nor worship God, and, mostly, find all organized religions (sorry Wiccans, you too) a pain in the sacrosanct. Every religion has its doctrines, its rules of belief, and its rewards and punishments (payable now or later). All of these things confound the spiritual journey, more than enlightening it, with their stress on diety worship  over basic principles of morality and humanity.

Do I believe in God? Certainly. Is this a paradox? Hardly.

Prime Mover, doting omnipotent Father (or Mother), Heaven's Landlord, whatever you believe the nature of God to be it is just that, a belief. No proof of purchase necessary, although, Lord knows, there are many who must prove their beliefs well until Hell freezes over. I believe because it's difficult for me to watch the Wu Li Masters dancing while the stars shimmer overhead, and not wonder at the precise syncopation of their feet staying in step to the melody of the universe. So for me, you might say God's the drummer with an endless repertoire that keeps the party swinging. Whether or not you also hear those drums will not brighten or spoil my day; my ears, my eyes, you know? My lens.

For the rest of us, God can be the Boss, the Governator, the Worshippee, the Savior, the Judge and Jury, the Blamer, the Excuse, the Accuser, the Censor, the Pillory, and so much less or so much more. Do I really need to continue? You already know what God means to you. And I'll wager you ignore the rest, too. We all do to some extent. Ignorance is blissfully conducive to self-serving reasoning. Or faith.

Godzilla78

The projection of nihilism onto the human heart has the same coarsening results as the visual impact of extreme violence. Films are modern myths, stories that teach us about our lives and our universe. When our stories teach that our universe is without design, without purpose, that life itself is a meaningless effort, the lesson harms the audience.

Nehring's God is a governing and guiding force, acting like a moral DMZ lying between damnation and salvation. Believe in God and the dictums of his religion, and you'll be saved; don't believe and you'll accelerate  all of us going to Hell in a handbasket. Therefore nihilism, the Ubermensch's  tough-luck world, doesn't fit into this ideology. To believe in God means all causes and effects happen for a reason, and behaving according to God's will–though that will changes with each religion– is beneficial for everyone. Not believing in God means–to use a horror fan's vernacular–Cthulhu and Yog Sothoth will eat your gonads for breakfast whenever they feel like it (unless it's Derleth's Cthulhu, of course: then it's pancakes and maple syrup for all, instead).

Nehring zeroes in on Japanese horror movies and their nihilistic direness: God does not exist in Juon or Ringu. "In these films there is a complete–and I mean absolute and total lack of moral structure. These stories exhibit a world devoid of God, and that is the reason these films are so effective."

I agree and disagree with his assessment.

These films do not totally lack a moral structure (especially Juon), but they are very effective because God is not the focus: plain old people are the focus and their actions contribute to the "curse [that] supersedes God and, therefore, eliminates all hope." To say there is no moral structure implicit in Juon and Ringu just because it isn't God-driven morality is sophisistic and dead wrong. Contrary to Nehring's summation, good and evil do exist in these films, but I'll admit not in equal measure, and without deity-based good and evil. People in these movies weight the balance either way by their actions or failures to act. To me, that's a clear moral message delivered without needless pontifications. You reap what you sow, right?

To say that horror films must not act by a "different set of rules" because all films are "instruction manuals" is a quaint notion for his argument, but hardly sustainable in practice. These Japanese horror movies do not give bad life-lessons: people in the real world are a whole lot better at doing this than these movies can ever pretend to be.  Horror movies have always reflected the times they appear in. And studios have always taken advantage of those times to push the boundaries of what is shown onscreen. Take a good look at our world, then go watch Hostel. It's depraved and dirty and victimizing. Now am I talking about Hostel or Wall Street or pick a war, any war? Or maybe all of these?

Contrary to Nehring's Christian lens, not all films are modern myths, teachable moments, or self-help manuals, nor do they need to be. Sometimes they transcend our expectations, sometimes not.  Sometimes they horrify us because the Devil is winning, sometimes they terrify us even more because He and God are not even in the game. Take it or leave it, it's just us and what we do, no Heavenly prizes or Hellish punishments to be had. That's what these movies are telling us.

Now that's a really scary moral lesson if ever there was one.

Face-Off: SFX Artist Competition on Syfy

Faceoff Syfy’s reality television shows, other than Ghost Hunters and Ghost Hunters International, haven’t grabbed my attention much. Mad Mad House almost did and Scare Tactics came close, but they couldn’t hold it beyond the first few episodes.

Now comes Face-Off, pitting makeup artist against makeup artist in a full-body, fantastic makeover knockdown. Special effects makeup is what I’d be doing full-time if I weren’t all thumbs and had a tin eye to boot. Sigh.

Making a contest out of it, where twelve aspiring makeup artists compete for 100,000 dollars in prize money and a year’s worth of makeup supplies sounds promising. Add guest judges like Sean Cunningham (Friday the 13th), revolutionary body painter Filippo Ioco, Greg Nicotero (The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) and Michael Westmore (Star Trek: The Next Generation) on top of the regular judges, Ve Neill (Pirates of the Caribbean, Edward Scissorhands), Glenn Hetrick (Heroes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files), and Patrick Tatopoulos (Underworld, Independence Day, Resident Evil: Extinction), well then, you’ve grabbed my full attention.

Face-Off airs January 26th on Syfy.

For their first spotlight elimination challenge, the contestants are tasked to imagine an entirely new species, a human/animal hybrid, based on one of three exotic animals that are brought into their workspace lab–a beetle, an ostrich or an elephant. The contestants must work in teams of two to execute their creative visions, utilizing specialized skills including molding, sculpting, prosthetics and an involved application process on live models. Future elimination challenges include application of full body make-up to nude subjects, conceptualizing a creature that would inhabit a newly discovered planet, creating an original horror villain, and transforming a “bride” into a “groom” and a “groom” into a “bride.”

Sticky Blinking Eyeballs:
The Perfect Holiday Gift?

Sticky_blinking_eyeballs While in Japan's Tokyu Hands department store in Kashiwa, my eye was caught by these techno-monster, blinking ones. Don't know for sure, but this may be the best holiday gift this year.

Or maybe not. I'll leave it up to you.

It does bring the saying "jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers?" to vivid life, though, and you can actually tell people where you got them.

 

Monsters In Sweaters

I really tried hard to come up with an interesting meme. From Beyond Depraved blog tagged me for this exercise in insomnia, so I had to put my best foot forward. I got nothing.

So…in lieu of that, here's my cop out: monsters in sweaters. Why sweaters? Because there's nothing like a warm, fuzzy sweater worn by a monster to create dissonance: evil being wears disarmingly inviting apparel; how odd.

Now that I've mentioned it, you will probably notice lots more sweaters being worn in lots more horror movies now. Feel free to comment on your discoveries.

As for tagging five other blogs, I'll just toss this out to The League of Tana Tea Drinkers, if any of them so desire a sleepless night or two.

Freddy

Frankenstein
Psycho
Stepfather1987
Jason-voorhees
Frightnight

Alas Poor Awards, I Knew Ye Well

Hamlet ponders death I think I came to this decision at 10:15 this morning. I was pondering it much of last night; spinning it around all angles most of yesterday. This morning, after reading over my Google Alerts, I realized it was time to rein in those slings and arrows of misinformation and boldly make my quietus with a bare post (bodkins are too sharp and hurt like hell).

Google Alerts pointed me to a news item mentioning the Bloody Bloggers Awards and how voting would be done by the League of Tana Tea Drinkers only. It was a well-intentioned and gracious bit of news, but not quite correct: it said voting would be done by League members only. Actually, voting for the awards would have been done by email, sent to me (I removed myself from nomination to remain impartial) by anyone who wanted to vote for their favorite nominees. And while the nominees themselves had to come from League members' making the recommendations, really, all a horror blogger needed to do was let us know about you and what category or categories you felt you best fit in–there were 13 of them to choose from. My goal was a simple one: promote horror blogs, especially lesser known ones, through an impartial, unbiased, non-commercial awards contest, and provide a mechanism–and motivation–for exploring lots of other horror blogs. The mechanism was a list of links to all nominee blogs and the motivation would be the awards themselves and the voting process.

At least I thought it was simple. It would have allowed every horror blogger to participate without commercial or biased endorsements skewing the results. It also recognized there were more possible categories for awards than simply the best horror blog, whatever that is. But here's the rub: my perception was not everyone's perception, and that has caused a little tempest in a teapot that makes for very bad tea, especially among members of the League itself.

And it has made members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers appear elitest; cucumber sandwich-eating snobs who think we're hot shit when it comes to knowing horror and blogging about it. Well, I admit I like cucumber sandwiches, but we are certainly not elitest–sure, we like to joke a lot about that, but we're only joking–and while we do know our horror–just like you–we blog for the fun of it. Read our mission statement. No where does it say "we the members of LOTT D are elitest hot shit, so poo poo on you." What it does say is Our mission is to acknowledge, foster, and support thoughtful, articulate, and creative blogs built on an appreciation of the horror and sci-horror genres.

But that good intentions road-paving crew has pulled up outside. I see it's time to apologize for rushing into something I should have thought more about and especially for causing dissension that is hurtful and non-productive, and for forcing an argument where one should never have arisen.

I'm calling the Bloody Blogger Awards on account of foul weather. For all those who did participate, I thank you very much; you've alerted me to many sites I didn't know about. For those who tossed those slings and arrows, I'm sorry. In my rush to foster community spirit, I stirred up some restless ghosts that I should have paid attention to more. Perhaps in time I'll try it again. But it's stopped being fun.

Besides, with the new kid on the block, the Horror Blogger Alliance, I think our community has grown a lot bigger already. I wish them all the luck and support I can muster. Based on my recent experience, I know they'll need it.

Some Blogging Rules To Review By

Scream-painting …after seeing it, I realized that I was faced with an interesting dilemma…the movie was not very good. The acting, for the most part, was uninspired, with the exception of the
female lead, who was awful. The editing and camerawork was sub-par, to the point of seriously detracting from the viewing experience. The script was amateur and forced. At just under an hour in length, it was still difficult to get through. Even the opening and closing theme
music seemed entirely inappropriate to the material. However, in researching the film, both before and after viewing, virtually all the reviews and feedback I found regarding it were resoundingly positive. And this has been a situation echoed many times since I began the
Vault. This time, I was tired of saying nothing about it. (The Vault of Horror: The Emperor Has No Clothes; or Payola In the Age Of Blogging)

B-Sol at The Vault of Horror, in writing his review for the movie Serial: Amoral Uprising, has touched upon the dirty little black book too many horror movie reviewers carry around with them. Scan the pages of that book and you’ll see notes on how to avoid offending would-be directors, actors, scriptwriters, and anyone connected with a bad movie; a movie showing little creative energy or talent in its production–a category in which many independent movies all too often fall into. Now I have not seen Serial: Amoral Uprising. I cannot say if it’s good or bad or middling or whether it’s worth watching or not. This is not the point, I think, B-Sol is trying to make (although he clearly did not like the movie). What surprised him–maybe not surprise, let’s say irked him–is how a movie, which measured badly on many critical points, could receive only glowing reviews; not one, but many. How could that be? The answers are in that dirty little black book.

When I first started blogging I eagerly sought after screeners. I wanted to be a movie critic and I believed screeners would be a great way to hone my critical skills. After the second year of receiving them–and I admit I actively solicited for them–I found myself in a predicament: I realized most of them were of movies done by amateurs who had not paid their dues, or worse, didn’t realize they needed to. Basic camerawork, basic scene setups, basic storytelling, basic acting, and all those basic craft things taught in school–or by hard knocks–to produce a watchable movie were ignored outright, or worse, trifled with. I began to feel insulted. I also felt embarrassed, even intimidated, because I had asked for many of them and I felt compelled to not write a bad review. I felt beholden to the director or marketing agent who sent it. This was not, and is not, a good place to be put in.

I’m not saying all the screeners I received were bad. I’ve had good and rewarding indie movies come my way, and through them I’ve developed relationships with directors, actors, and writers who’ve helped me grow as a blogger and critic. Some were skilled people who knew their way around a camera, and others who, with a little more budget, a little more practice, and a little more experience would improve their craft; their movie showed that.

But like B-Sol, many times when I’d research a movie’s reviews before accepting or soliciting for it I’d find raves where hisses should have been heard. No balanced reviews, just kudos for clearly what should have been recognized as poor filmmaking. Of course I stopped reading those reviewers, some of whom were connected to commercial horror websites. Either their critical acumen was questionable, or they simple didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or they didn’t want to be shut out from receiving more screeners. That last one can be found in that dirty little black book’s table of contents under How to Keep Getting Screeners By Not Biting the Hand That Gives.

It’s a situation every movie blogger, and especially horror blogger, eventually faces, and one which test’s your professionalism. Once you’ve compromised by writing a misleading review so no feeling’s are hurt or because you’re afraid you won’t get those freebies anymore–and I’ve walked that tightrope–why should any reader value your opinion? Worse still, you are letting down those who most need the feedback from your honest appraisal: the directors, writers, actors, and production people who need these reality checks to help them improve their craft.

Roger Ebert provides some very good guidelines for dealing with situations like these and how to review movies while keeping your integrity intact.  I recommend reading his little rule book for any movie blogger who takes his or her writing and reputation seriously.

Were The Three Stooges
First In Torture Horror?

Sure, they look dumb and innocent enough. But maybe there was something more sinister lurking being all those yucks and chuckles. Were the Three Stooges the first to use torture horror in movies? Here's the evidence. Judge for yourself.

Looks like an inspiration for a fiendish SAW death contraption to me. Just look at the sheer terror on Curly's face.

Plumbing curly

I think I saw this fiendish device used in The Collector.

Stooges
And what about this one. Looks like a storyboard scene straight out of Cube!

three stooges
Finally, I definitely remember seeing this in Hostel. Just look at the malicious glee on Larry's face. I rest my case.

Stooges