Zombos' Closet

LOTT D: Picks on Freddy

Talk about nightmares! The members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers gang up on good ol' classic Freddy and give him the business. Elm Street will never be the same.

 

Day of the Woman gossips about the Women of Freddy: Whether it's a woman who knows exactly how to stop him, the victim he can't seem to catch hold of, or even his daughter, Freddy Krueger just doesn't have the best luck when it comes to girls.

Freddy In Space remembers the people who made Freddy so memorable (and frightful): Let's take a moment to remember those Elm Street residents who are no longer with us - but who will live on forever through the magic of film.

Vault of Horror joins in to discuss Freddy's unforgettable franchise of fear: Just in time for the much-anticipated Platinum Dunes remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Count Vardulon and The Divemistress, and Vault of Horror take an in-depth look at the NOES franchise. And VOH goes even further by presenting a quarter-century of Freddy goodness, too!

Evil On Two Legs gives us their top 10 pointless and irrelevant observations corey made while rewatching a nightmare on elm street earlier this week: at number 2, throughout the entire movie, heather langenkamp has a distracting pimple on her forehead.

The Lightning Bug's Lair shares the shining moment when Freddy encounters the Dream Warriors: Nightmare III plays out more like a direct sequel to the first. Well, except this time Freddy’s got jokes, and boy, does he ever have jokes.

Moon Is a Dead World speculates on the quality of the Freddy remake: I've come to the conclusion that, if written properly, this speculation may be able to give a complete, factual representation of what we might expect from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Lost Highway detours around Freddy as the Dream Master: In this made for MTV style movie nothing is going to stop Freddy from taking out the remaining survivors from the previous Nightmare sequels.

Reflections on Film and TV discovers the Tao of Freddy: In William Schoell and James Spencer's superlative companion, The Nightmare Never Ends: The Official History of Freddy Krueger and the Nightmare on Elm Street Films, director and horror icon Wes Craven briefly recounts the youthful experience that led him to create cinematic dream-killer Freddy Krueger.

There, that should help keep you up tonight. If not, sweet dreams! Don't let the Freddy bugs bite.

Happy Town American Gothic Terror Returns to TV

The locals call us "The Bready." We happily employ 12 percent of Haplin's residents, and we are proud to make Haplin a place where the air is alive with the aroma of fresh baking bread, all the live-long day! Enjoy! (Our Daily, Baking and Confectionary, Haplin, MN)

ZC Rating 4 of 7: Very Good

Measure two fingers of sinister mystery from American Gothic, add a dash of Stephen Kingish small-town-hiding-dark-secrets, spice with serial murderer and missing people, stir in an all too quiet and aloof visitor, Merritt Grieves (Sam Neill), top off with a more recent visitor who's way too anxious to ascend the staircase leading to the dark third floor of the boarding house she's staying at, and finally dabble assorted bitters of quirky townsfolk and a sheriff and his son in over their heads. Shake it all violently, garnish liberally with tidbits of plot, then knock back this new series on ABC called Happy Town: it's quite a rush given the promise shown in this first episode, In This Home on Ice.

LOTT D: Nuke's em High

Beware! The members of the League of Tana Tea Drinkers return to wreak nuclear havoc with their take on atomic age movies that glow in the dark.

 

The Moon is a Dead World takes on the Beast of Yucca Flats: Only hardcore B-movie buffs will even want to attempt to watch this movie, since it's extremely hard to get through and even when you do, you're not left with anything meaningful to contemplate.

Cinema Suicide ponders the bizarre cult-trash of Atlantis Interceptors: There are exploitation movies and there is Atlantis Interceptors. It sets out to be everything to everyone. In 1983 there were several waves of action movies that were popular to ape and this one tried to do them all. 

Uranium Cafe panics along with Ray Milland in Panic In the Year Zero: Certainly there are flaws to the film if you want to sit back and pick it apart but over all the film works well as a cold war period vision of how an everyday suburban family out for a weekend of tranquil fishing and camping has to deal with the sudden reality of a nuclear war in their backyard.

Cinema Fromage rocks with the Six-String Samurai: The year is 1957, and Russia has nuked the US. The survivors have rebuilt in the form of Lost Vegas. Elvis is the king of the last bastion of hope for the US, and sadly he has passed on. In order to find a successor to the throne, the Wolfman hits the airwaves and puts out a call to all the rock & roll cowboys across the land to come and take the throne.

And to round things up, Dr. Gangrene recommends a visit with his eight-legged friend from Tarantula...

Cowboys of the Silver Screen Stamps

While mailing the American Vampire comics to contest winners today, I noticed these nostalgic stamps at the post office. Westerns were the mainstay of Universal Pictures before they discovered more lucrative box-office receipts with monsters. Cowboy serials were the ideal world of every white boy growing up in a long ago era, when American pride, fortitude, and integrity were as sociable and wholesome and as much a given as eating mom's apple pie with a glass of milk on a Sunday afternoon.

As for me, I saddled up with the Lone Ranger and Tonto, rode the trails with Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, and I always hoped to get the pretty girl, kick-ass a little harder with the villains than Tom Mix, and strum the guitar strings faster and straighter than Gene Autry. I'm still working on his Cowboy Code. I wish some of the people I meet and read about these days would work on it, too.

Missing from this wonderful line-up of Americana is Bill Pickett. He's a black cowboy. Not too many folks sashayed up to the box-office to buy tickets for movies with black cowboys back then. But there's black and white in that silver screen all the same.

Way back in 1923, rodeo sensation Bill Pickett became the first black screen cowboy in The Bull-Dogger, and he was just the first in a long line of cowboys of color who galloped through movie history alongside their more mainstream, pale-faced peers. (Robert Silva, The Good, the Bad, and the Black Cowboy)

Looking at these wonderful stamps reminded me of Stephen Avalos' The Ghosts of Edendale, a creepy twist on the invincibility and purity of men wearing white ten-gallon hats, and Dead Birds, a Lovecraftian-western best not viewed alone and after dark.

Which Western horror movies would you recommend? And if you dare say Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, better put up yer dukes, cause them's fightin' words!

(Click on the graphic for a larger view while you're ponderin'.)

Midnight Madness Trading Cards: Desert Rats

Here is the twelve card story for my favorite one in the series, Desert Rats, from Rosem's Midnight Madness Card Set. Story is by Steve Kiviat, and illustrations by Alfredo Osorio. (Copyright 1990 by Rosem Enterprises.)

Can't you just eat it up! It is so quaintly gruesome. And look at those cute little fuzzy faces. They just gnaw at your heart, don't they?

(Previously: Shroud of the Undead, Jungle Parasite, The Pharaoh's Revenge)

Click on the images for a larger view.

American Vampire Contest Winners

Okay, I'm back...time to announce the American Vampire Issue One, signed by Scott Snyder, contest winners!

And the winners are:

Rhonny Kachur in Ohio, William Agy in Maryland, Tracey Dent in Maryland (that's two for MD!), and Jeanette Jackson in Canada.

Congratulations! Your issues are on the way!

Midnight Madness Trading Cards: The Pharaoh's Revenge

Here is the twelve card story for The Pharaoh's Revenge from Rosem's Midnight Madness Card Set. Story is by Steve Kiviat, and illustrations by Alfredo Osorio. (Copyright 1990 by Rosem Enterprises.)

(Previously: Shroud of the Undead, Jungle Parasite)

Click on the images for a larger view.

and Falling, fly A Novel By Skyler White

Dominic's voice is meltingly tender. "What if you're right? What if hope is the master of Hell? What if something in your own mind, in your own hopes, or fears, or ideas, is the cause of your suffering? What if you are not damned?"

"If I am not damned, what am I?"

"A woman in pain."

ZC Rating 4 of 7: Very Good

Ambiguity and certainty abound in Skyler White's novel and Falling, fly, along with fallen angels turned vampires, a neuroscientist traumatized by his cycle of reincarnations, and an Irish Goth-punk hotel that is either Hell, Limbo, or a comfortable bed and breakfast for its guests. In words thought and spoken, her characters shift between first and third person narratives to dwell on the certainty of their fate and the ambiguity of their despair: continue living fettered by their assorted curses or dare to surmount them even if it means painful loss. But are they indeed cursed as they believe or are they living a delusion? That's the tantalizing conundrum White presents with her words as they blend mellifluously into scenes ripe with irreconcilable decadence, sex, and mythologically-based--and sanctioned--angst over what may or may not be real.

Midnight Madness Trading Cards: Jungle Parasite

Here is the twelve card set for Jungle Parasite from Rosem's Midnight Madness Card Set. Story is by Steve Kiviat, and illustrations by Alfredo Osorio. (Copyright 1990 by Rosem Enterprises.)

(Previously: Shroud of the Undead)

Click on the images for a larger view.

The Silent Scream (1980) Ti West Should Have Remade This One Instead

ZC Rating 3 of 7: Good

With the revelation of the identity of the murderer some time before the film's climax, its relatively low body count and avoidance of gory pyrotechnics, Silent Scream is by no means a typical teenagers-in-peril movie given the subject matter and date of release. Also untypical are the strengths of the performances, and the fact that one actually cares whether the intended victims survive or not. (The Overlook Film Encyclopedia: Horror)

Scotty (the impossibly thin Rebecca Balding) needs an apartment badly. She's late to the college semester and the college dorms are filled. At the end of an almost fruitless day of apartment hunting (shown in humorous vignettes of crappy places and dubious renters), she finds a small, comfortable room in a big, brooding, beachside house at the top of a hill. Three other college latecomers join her: there's the spoiled rich Peter (John Widelock), the feisty, bosomy, fun-loving girl Doris (Juli Andelman), and the hunk--who makes sure to keep his shirt off or unbuttoned as much as possible because he's the hunk--Jack (Steve Doubet). Living in the house are the brooding Mrs. Engels (Yvonne De Carlo), up in the attic; the quiet and ill at ease Mason Engels (Brad Rearden), in the bedroom across the hall; and a family secret about to become known. Violently. Now guess which one of the college kids gets killed first.

Midnight Madness Trading Cards: Shroud of the Undead

Here is the twelve card series for Shroud of the Undead from Rosem's Midnight Madness Card Set. Story is by Steve Kiviat, and illustrations by Alfredo Osorio. (Copyright 1990 by Rosem Enterprises.)

Click on the images for a larger view.

Horror Movie Easter Eggs A Basketful of Hidden DVD Delights

Here are a bunch of Easter eggs Mr. Bunny won't be bringing to you in his basket this holiday. I've indicated the sources I pulled them from as best I could, but please use 'comments' to correct or add to the list.

From the Horror Forum on DVD Easter Eggs...go to the forum to find more...

Hellraiser: Deader DVD -- "To view the short - No More Souls: Go to the second page of "Special Features" and highlight "Play Movie" (but don't click it), press "down", then press "right" and "The Lament Configuration" will be highlighted and "No More Souls" will play. Gary Tunnicliffe plays Pinhead."

The Beyond -- "Cat In The Brain" trailer: From the main menu, go to Extras. Click on "Images From The Beyond". Go down to Extras, then left arrow, to highlight symbol. Press enter to see a trailer for Lucio Fulci's film Cat In The Brain. Also watch the original US Opening of The Beyond: From the main menu, go to Audio Setup. Go down to Resume, then arrow left to highlight symbol. Press enter to access the original opening of the 1981 US version of The Beyond, entitled Seven Doors of Death, directed by Louis Fuller, which is one of the pseudonyms Lucio Fulci used in the US."

Critters: The Ultimate Collectors Edition -- "On the first film there is a hidden alternative ending. To get it you have to light up the critters eyes on the menu page using the arrows."

The Ring -- "As soon as you're on the main menu, keep on moving the arrow on your remote until, on the screen, there's nothing highlighted and press enter on your remote control. Now you'll be able to watch the exact video everyone in the movie was watching and after they watch it, the phone rings. You know the premise behind it. But you'll be able to watch it for yourself."

Fearnet Picks Their Favorite Horror Easter Eggs...lots here to savor...

Killer Klowns from Outer Space – "Highlight the words “Play Movie” in the special features section and press up – click the hidden popcorn kernel to see "Klown Auditions", which show how the actors playing the klowns practiced their ridiculous walk and stride in this cheese-ball classic!"

Dawn of the Dead – "On the four-disc ultimate edition of the original Romero Dawn many eggs lay in waiting.  On disc one, go to the 'Extras' submenu and click up or left to highlight a zombie.  Click it to watch a five-minute interview with George's wife and production partner Chris Romero, who recounts how she and George met and fell in love! (Awww…) On the fourth disc, arrow left until you find the hidden icon (a zombie) and select it to see a Buddhist monk proclaim his love for the movie!"

DVD Easter Eggs...

Rocky Horror Picture Show -- "Works on either the 25th Anniversary Edition or Standard Edition. At the main menu screen press left on your remote until a pair of lips are highlighted. Press enter on your remote and you'll get Richard O' Brien's original vision of RHPS."

Scary Horror Movies hardboils a whole bunch just for you...

Alien 20th Anniversary Special Edition -- "From the main menu highlight Extra FeaturesScene Selection then press right. Press enter and you'll be taken to the 'USCSS Nostromo flight plan' complete with crew manifest...Jump to the Extra Features menu. Arrow down to the Main Menu selection and press down once again. A hole in the floor will highlight, then click. There's an in-depth analysis of the Alien Lifecycle. If you've never seen the movie before leave this one hidden till last. It's certainly a spoiler - complete with warning!"

Halloween -- "This egg only works on the regular edition, not the special edition and it's only on the Widescreen side of the disc. Play TITLE 4 and you'll see all of the death scenes in the order of their appearance and when it's done it'll bring you to a KILL EM ALL menu with a creepy picture."

Digital Retribution decorates some nice ones...

Snakes On a Plane -- "From the ‘Special Features’ menu go into the ‘TV SPOTS’ sub-menu and highlight ‘SPECIAL FEATURES', then click ‘right’ on your remote followed by ‘Enter’ to play an airline safety video which tells passengers what to do in the event of an in-flight snake attack."

Santa's Slay -- "On the 'Special Features' menu highlight 'HoHo Ho's' and press the 'Right' arrow key on your remote control and a face will appear. Now press 'Enter' key to view an alternate ending and outtakes."

Ghost Hunting Theories provides some nifty ones...

Thirteen Ghosts (new version) -- "First, go to the "Special Features" menu. When it comes up, Go to "Ghost profiles". After Cyrus is done talking to you, select the object that is a jaw bone. Cyrus will start telling you about the Jackal, and in it you will see several scenes from House on Haunted Hill."

There's certainly many more. Which are your favorite eggs?

Robot 13 Contest Winner!

Congratulations to Steve MacDonald of Massachusetts!

Issues 1, 2, and 3 of Robot 13: Colossus! are rushing toward you!

And a big thank you to all those who entered.

I Sell the Dead (2008) And Not So Dead, Too

ZC Rating 3 of 7: Good

Awaiting execution for his crimes of grave robbing and murder, Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan) recounts his nocturnal exploits, conducted with his accomplice Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden), to the attentive Father Duffy (Ron Perlman). Over wine, Blake reveals how his low-paying start with providing certainly-dead cadavers to a nefarious Dr. Quint (Angus Scrimm) blossoms into a more lucrative endeavor procuring the less-certainly-dead--vampires, zombies, and a 'sideshow freak'--for an inquisitive medical clientele. Director Glenn McQuaid embellishes this Victorian period parody and homage of late night B-movie horror staples with bizarre and suitably grimy characters, lots of foggy scenes, and a witty story that outwits itself now and then by rushing too quickly to the punchline.

Making Blake's and Grimes' jobs all the harder are the seedy, insane, and fear-inducing house of Murphy, led by Cornelius (John Speredakos) and his mysterious father. Valentine (she wears a mask to hide her badly burned face), and Bulger (he had his teeth replaced with canine chompers), round out the colorful Murphys, who vie with Blake and Grimes for the ghoulish spoils. Occasional comic book-styled illustration appears, especially when highlighting the picaresque Murphy clan, lending a horror comic motif similar to 1982's Creepshow and the more recent Trick 'r Treat (2008).

McQuaid keeps his scenes excruciatingly tight in an attempt to conceal the production's budgetary limitations, but often this produces the opposite effect by calling more attention to his meager mis en scenes because of their static framing (made worse by a woozy camera movement within the frame when least needed). At other times, his closeups highlight the slapstick antics of Blake and Grimes, and their wild encounters with the Murphys, with giddy aplomb.

What really sells I Sell the Dead are McQuaid's Victorianesque characters and their travails while digging up their best prospects. His penny dreadful-flavored twists and turns with horror conventions percolates new life into recognizable situations: a vampire encounter at a crossroads turns into farce when the garlic and wooden stake are unwisely removed and frantically put back, again and again; an unusually frigid grave yields an unexpected corpse; and zombies prove highly desirable for medical research into immortality, but tend to be hard to procure. A chance shipwreck provides an opportunity to cash in on the burgeoning zombie demand.

Rowing to Langol Island in the dead of night ahead of the Murphys, Grimes, Blake, and their new, overly eager, apprentice Fanny (Brenda Cooney) go looking for the shipwrecked zombies. They find one crated undead, the foot of another undead, and Valentine, Bulger, and an angry Cornelius. In the ensuing mayhem after Valentine removes her mask, frightening Blake, Grimes--and a zombie--into a frenzy, Grimes gets bitten and the undead bite off more than they can chew with the Murphys. 

I Sell the Dead is a cheeky blend of the usual horror setpieces made unusual by playing them almost to absurdity as Grimes and Blake cope with the ever present threat of the Murphys and the rigors of their demanding profession in order to get ahead. Before they lose theirs. Jeff Grace's music is a treat as it evokes the mood and style of earlier horror movies from Hammer to Amicus, especially when playing against the animated opening credits. For many horror aficionados, especially those weaned on Shock Theatre and supernatural horror movies from the 1950s to the 1970s, I Sell the Dead will be a lot of fun to watch.