Zombos' Closet

What I'd Like to See in Horror Movies for 2012

 

Egyptian Theater Concession Stand, 1935

With all the Best Of lists for 2011, promising lists for 2012, and wishful thinking commentaries floating around as the 2012 movie season kicks into gear, I thought I'd share with you what I'm hoping to see more of this year in horror.

Reviewing movies to provide nominations for B-Sol's Vault of Horror Cyber-Horror Awards has put me into a learning and yearning frame of mind, which naturally leads to reflection on those character and story elements in modern horror you just don't see enough of these days. And with movies like Underworld: Awakening regurgitating the usual unimaginative pablum audiences scarf down all too easily with their popcorn, a more refined palatte is left wanting--starving actually--for better artistic and involving fare. Granted upcoming movies like The Woman in Black and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter have me hopeful for some good classic scares and attentive direction, I'm still worried we might see more of the same old dreck creating the same old box office wreck.

So here's what I'd like to see more of in horror movies for 2012:

Fewer Dumbass Victims -- enough already with screaming mimis who have no character depth beyond video game stats and stereotypical behaviors. Are we not men? Are we not women? It's time for characters in horror movies, both young and old, to stand up and be counted as important, living, breathing, beings with souls, and not just expendable appendages and body count possibilities. Make me care, people!

Fewer Romantic Vampires--I admit I'm a fan of Twilight, to a point. I'm all for expanding the landscape into softer areas not always deemed acceptable by hardcore genre fans. But give us back the completely evil, the unstoppable blood draining machines with no souls or compassion, who relish the carnage they bring. Honestly, Abe Lincoln, I'm talking to you!

Scarier Movies--all I'm saying is The Woman in Black better be pitch dark scary. Paranormal Activity brought back the scares, but it is overstaying its welcome. What's needed now is a good supernatural terror, borne of tragedy, winged with malice. Make me dread the dark spaces in the far corners of the room once again for 2012. 

Much Less CGI, More REAL Special Effects--let's face it, when CGI figures heavily into it, a script's important pacing and character motivations fly out the window. What's left are hey, I've got this cool image we can do approach that kills suspenseful drama and leads to shakycam pyrotechnics to cover its impracticality. I'd like to see more real special effects instead of animated cartoon monsters and setpieces, or be damn sure to make it more believable, at least.

Stronger Female Characters--you'd think most women in horror movies are easy prey, and always looking for a good time, or are morally loose, and wear impractical clothing on hunting trips, and run straight into danger on cue, and scream a lot when any sound means instant death. How much longer are we going to have to suffer through these slasher-convenient, male-centric wet dreams of slaughter? Grow up, already!

No 3D, Really, Please, NO 3D--after suffering through post-production 3D-itis, I can emphatically state that if you don't know what you're doing, then 3D's a quick gimmick to add to the ticket price to make fast money before the audience catches on to your incompetence. Either know what you're going to do with it or leave it out. This is one movie gimmick that's mostly no fun when used in a horror movie.

Memorable Monsters--when was the last time we had a memorable monster? Yeah, that's right. 

 

I'm sure I could add to this list, but if I could just see a little more of any of these, I'd be thrilled. Here's looking at you, 2012. 

Fezzes are Cool

Zombos' doesn't quite agree, but me and Dr. Who do: Fezzes are cool! I spotted this one at an antique show, but so did my Uncle Bob. He has a keen eye. He also has longer arms, so he grabbed it first. I pined away for months, knowing that the only true home for it was atop Bela's head. 

For my 56th birthday my uncle surprised me by presenting the fez to me. Now I and Bela are truly happy. I recommend fezzes for everone's 56th birthday. Whether you have an urge to be a Son of the Desert, a desire to belong to a secret society that everyone knows about,  or just need that finishing touch for your crimson velvet smoking jacket, remember, fezzes are cool!

 

Barnes & Nook: The Borders Are Narrowing

The recent news that Barnes & Noble is tinkering with their Nook business and may spin it off from its core bookstore business is like deja vue all over again. They aren't Netflix, of course, but boy it does sound a lot like the potential to deflate what little bookstore business their doing now is growing tangible.

I say little because each time I walk into my local B&N its core bookstore business appears smaller than before. Sure, you've got Starbucks (love the Starbucks), and you've got the usual top of the heap of what's selling in print; but missing are the carousels of books because they've been replaced with carousels of googaws, cutesies, games, and touchy-feely items that didn't bring me into the store in the first place. Okay, yes, the Starbucks did--guilty--but I still like to walk around with my coffee to peruse the shelves, especially the horror and movie sections. That is, until the bookshelves started disappearing, taking all those potentially perusable books with them.

I'll be frank. I buy a lot of books on Amazon. Do I go into a bookstore to look at a book then buy it cheaper on Amazon? No. Yes. Well, maybe. If the book's a lot cheaper and I'm not in a rush, sure. If the book's only a little cheaper, I'll buy it from the bookstore. And there have been times when I just couldn't wait after perusing the book and had to have it then and there. My point is I find browsing books at a bookstore a heck of a lot more fun than trying to browse for books online, and I'll pay more for the convenience and the empowerment it gives. Many times I've gone over to the movie section and found books I'd never have thought of searching for. Sold! Other times B&N forced me to get a book on Amazon because they didn't carry it in that store's stock, but they could order it for me. Shoot,  I can order it online, myself. Amazon Prime, baby! These days I've been spending much more time at a bookstore in Huntington called Book Revue. Loads of used-books, great prices, and a boffo movie section. And they've got a cafe, too. Sweet.

I wonder when B&N will be run by booklovers again? 

Right now the heart of my B&N store is taken up by the Nook, its accessories, its antecedents, and its ne'er do well digital cousins. I like the Nook. I like Kindle. I like ebooks, mostly. But electronics sales belong in Best Buy, Target, and a heck of a lot of other places more suitable. Sure, a sales counter for Nooks is fine; devoting a huge portion of the bookstore to push digital readers isn't. Where are the damn books? And I don't mean the best-sellers, the pampering twaddle of self-help, feel-good, look-good pablum piled high on the discount tables. There are enough of those. I mean the treasures to be found in horror, science fiction, and fantasy books, the non-fiction books, the books that don't fit easily into the ludicrous categories that have sprung up to legitamize and commercialize nonsense. 

Oh, wait, those shelves aren't there anymore. Tic-Tac-Toe in wood, anyone?

What I'd rather see-- I'm sure many print book readers would agree with me--is more books TO SEE. Borders started acting like my local Stop and Shop, cramming every non-book fluff item to boost sales, and it led them slowly out the door. I'm afraid B&N's strategy is leading them out that same door. Once they dissociate from the Nook, what's left? More shelves full of games and toys and puzzles? Or more books?

I'm holding my breadth to find out. 

The Dimension Fantastica World Web Award

Each year James Wallestein of Dimension Fantastica awards his World Web Award to blogs he considers exemplary and worthwhile for his readers to explore. This year he recognizes Zombos' Closet, Freddy In Space, Tomb It May Concern, Psycotronic Kult Video, and Raro VHS. 

He has excellent taste and a keen eye as I'm in excellent company. Being recognized by your peers is especially satisfying, and this award is greatly welcomed and appreciated. Thank you James, I'm honored.

Here's what he has to say about ZC, in his own words:

Mi amigo John Cozzoli es otro incansable amante del cine de terror y todo lo que le rodea y en su web Zombos Closet siempre toca muchos temas interesantes y habla reflexivamente sin pelos en la lengua acerca de muchas cosas que le inquietan. Sus comentarios siempre son muy interesantes.

(My friend John Cozzoli is a tireless lover of the horror cinema and everything that sorround it. In his website Zombos' Closet he always writes about a lot of interesting themes and thinks reflexive about a lot of topics that attract him. All with a unique style and not mince words. All his articles and comments are always very interesting.)

 Meet the Horror Bloggers: James Wallestein of Dimension Fantastica

An Open Letter to the Horror Movie Industry

To Whom It May Concern:

Please stop making mockumentary movies told through found-footage video.

Really. Please. Stop.

While it started as a creative and novel tool to boost audience anxiety levels and heighten dramatic effects, stretching the confines of a limited budget, it’s overuse has forced a predictable repetitiveness that now is clearly used only to trim budgets, lessen the cinematography burden, and shorten script development (aka, needing a full script that tells a complete story; aka paying for good writers).

Too often now an audience is tasked with piecing together a fragmented story from time-chopped snippets of supposed found-footage, comprised of interminable, ho-hum-boring, inaction inserted between herky-jerky-murky scenes flitting by, fast and furious, leaving audiences alternating between picking popcorn from their teeth or struggling to comprehend what's happening.   

It wasn’t like this in the beginning.

Cannibal Holocaust, The Last Broadcast and The Blair Witch Project were ground-breaking, scary, and enhanced by these techniques. By the time Cloverfield, [REC], and Paranormal Activity had arrived, the handheld camera as documentor absolute, had begun to stretch credulity by forcing us to assume a person, within the context of each movie’s situation, could constantly keep a handheld camera rolling in the most dire situations, disregarding personal safety, and even life and limb. Of course, in plots where a mockumentary is an integral stimulus for the story such as Troll Hunter, The Last Exorcist, and to a lesser extent, Diary of the Dead, it is easier to suspend disbelief because of their natural-use context .

But Jaws has certainly jumped the shark here with Apollo 18 and quite possibly Paranormal Activity 3. Can anyone honestly say these movies, and the other ones lined up in the queue, use the mockumentary and found-footage techniques because their stories demand such use and couldn’t be told in another way? Or has Hollywood and independent filmmakers resorted to using “found-footage” because it’s convenient for cutting corners in the production process and camouflaging their LESS as MORE from the audience? Certainly, in the case of the Paranormal Activity franchise, if forced to stay within the confines of its mockumentary format, we will be forced to view its continuing hauntings through kodachrome, kinetascope, and eventually daguerreotypes, respectively.

So where do we go from here?

I implore you to drop the gimmicky overuse of the mockumentary and found-footage formats from horror movies and return to telling stories in a more demanding but visually satisfying way (aka drop the cheapening shaky-cam and off action angles), with well-written scenes devoid of stupefying inaction to pad out the minutes, and with properly fleshed out characters whose revealing dialog holds our attention. And then sufficiently light  it all so we can see what the hell’s happening to them.

Your Truly,

Zoc

 

Ode On A Deathly Turn To Final Destination 5

This one's definitely not by John Keats.

 

THOU 5th installment of gory loudness,

Thou oft repeated script of messy deaths in time and time again,

Cinema horror fan, who canst thus express

Such bread and butter tales more bloodily than our rhyme:

What bowel-fringed tissue fragments haunt about thy screen

Round loose heads or flopping appendages, or of both,

In air flying or across floors smearing, outside or in?

What victims are these? What maidens quartered thus?

Which death pursues? What struggle to escape when sequels beckon?

What screams and entrails? What wild ecstatic gore?

 

Seen terminus's are sweet, but those bleeding reddest

  Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft impalings, gut on;

Not to the sensual eye, but, more endear'd,

Slice to the entrails, tear the eyes, these messy ditties:

Fair youth, beneath the car, thou canst not breath

  Thy song of fear, nor ever can these scenes be fair;

Bold victim, never, never canst thou live,

Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;

You cannot fade, though thou hast not thy stomach nor other bodily parts,

For ever wilt thou die, for Death be not fair!

 

Ah, happy, happy fans! that cannot shed

  Your quest for gore, nor ever bid the grue adieu;

And, happy dramatist, unwearièd,

For ever piping scripts for ever over and over again;

More happy death! more happy, happy death!

For ever breathing warm, and wet, sopped to overflowing,

For ever panting, and for ever young;

All breathing human misery far above,

That leaves a heart bursting forth, and cloyed over rest,

On burning forehead, a dislodged tongue, or cleaved breast.

 

Who are these critics coming to the sacrifice?

To what film altar, O mysterious critic,

Lead'st thou that review lowing at the tale,

And all its slimey flanks with gorelands drest?

What nestled town by river or sea-shore,

Or home-built citadel in city or temple,

Is emptied of its victims, this pious morn?

And, nestled town, thy streets for evermore

  Will no longer silent be; and not a soul, to tell

    Why thou's art's so desolate, can e'er return,

Till sequel plays havoc once again.

 

O terror shape! fear attitude! with dread

Of creature men and bosomy maidens overwrought,

With frightful branches thick with the trodden bowels;

  Thou, noisome form! dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold tableau!

When old age shall this generation waste,

Thou shalt remain, to kindle other woe, more

  Than ours, a fiend to all, to whom thou say'st,

'Horror is truth, truth horror,—that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know,

Till the next final destination.

 

Creepy Movie Kids

Rotten Tomatoes has a nifty rundown on creepy kids in movies. It's naughty and nice with lots of spice.

And members of The League of Tana Tea Drinkers explore why nasty kids in movies make us squirm in this roundtable from 2008.

LOTT D Roundtable: Cute Monsters and Identification With the Terror

Groovy Age of Horror recently posed the question what do cute versions of monsters tell us about horror?  While it was directed  primarily toward the LOTT D, the question is an important one for anyone interested in horror and how this genre's commercial, sociological, and philosophical impact on popular culture can be analyzed.

It is not so much a difficult question to answer, rather, it requires more than one simple answer. Given any of the multifaceted influences--with each directing a specific outcome--you care to look at, the possible depth of the answer will vary.

The more obvious influence of marketing adult-themed iconic imagery in such a way as to increase marketability to a broader audience is one possible and fairly easy answer. Examples of this include Frankenberry and Count Chocula cereals. The serious images of the Frankenstein Monster and Count Dracula are rendered harmless and  lovable to sell cereal to children (and adults like me who revel in the colorful pastiche of horror and nostalgia--and the sugar rush). 

But is there a deeper meaning possible here? Why use monsters at all when Rainbow Brite, charming leprechauns, and Trix-loving rabbits will suffice?

Marketing horror to teens and adults is also a rich vein of potential sales to tap into as well. From the more socially conscious vampires and werewolves of Twilight, to Teddy Scares, Living Dead Dolls, Skelanimals, and Voodooz Dolls, these products offer 'safe' horror monsters to identify with, play with, and collect (control).

Perhaps, like how an inoculation works against a virus, if you weaken the monster to the point it becomes empathizable or a safer and more manageable terror surrogate, you create a palliative horror-play used as a defense against real or imagined terrors.

This horror-play can be viewed as a reaction formation that dramatizes and forestalls the terrors by day and the horrors by night every child and every adult faces in ever increasing severity given our more stressful times.

At least this is one possible answer. What do you think?

What the LOTT D'ers think:

Theofantastique
Cinema Suicide
Classic-horror
Dr. Gangrene
Vault of Horror
Groovy Age of Horror
Strange Kids Club
Drunken Severed Head
Monster Magazine World

Strange Kids Club Gets Stranger: They Interview Me

One of the coolest club houses on the planet Internet gets down and funky with an interview with yours truly.  Just wish Jose Cruz hadn't mentioned about Zombos' beauty nap. He's old. He needs it you know.

Through a Closet Darkly: An Interview with ILoz Zoc (that's me!)

Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With

I recently reorganized my library and came across this fanzine I almost started when I was 19 . I say almost because after printing up the first issue of Straitjacket: Tales of Fantasy to Escape With, Phil Seuling's assessment of it made me tuck my tail between my legs and hide the issue.

He avoided me as long as he could at the 1975 Comic Art Convention in New York City, but I finally pinned him down. He didn't want to hurt my feelings, but he also was a professional and told me why my little endeavor wasn't very professional. After doing all that mechanical paste up and typing on a borrowed clunker's rigid keys to put it together, I didn't put up much of a fight. He was right. He was a good friend.

But for posterity, here's the first story I ever wrote, the Waters From Merom. I think I've gotten better, but when I get up enough courage to actually send out my recent work, I'm sure I'll find out one way or the other. My story appeared in another fanzine around that time, though I can't think of its name.  Lovecraft was and still is a heavy influence on me.

Just don't forget I was 19 at the time and it's my first story. I can't take any more criticism right now. Don't even bother asking about my pseudonym. My mind's drawing a blank on that one.

They're Closing My Borders Bookstore

Do you remember the Night Gallery episode, They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar? It's the matching bookend to Rod Serling's Twilight Zone episode, Walking Distance.

They aren't horrific in the usual sense of the word, but they're both terrifying nonetheless. Both are about time marching on and how change happens around you, through you, in spite of you, and how you don't change--because you can't or won't or just plain get your butt stuck in the middle.

A transcendental fly, mired on some decade by decade sticky paper, you keep wiggling your little life's butt--and go nowhere. The kicker is you're still moving, even though you're ass isn't. You have no choice. Time's beating it's chronological fly swatter, hard, around you, swiping out the places, the people, and eventually all the sweet things you buzz around. And it sucks having to watch them go.

I'm going to miss the Borders they're closing in Westbury. It is better than Tim Riley's bar. It is close. It is convenient. It is comforting. It's where I spent time watching my son grow up from reading picture books to young adult vampire novels. It's where, after Tower Records crashed, my next favorite magazine place--before Borders downsized the racks--kept me coming back for new issues, fresh coffee, and stale pastries. It's where my family goes a few times each month to browse, to lounge, to explore. To be a family.

You remember browsing, don't you? It's a quaint ritual--not the same as web surfing--a little bitty thing, where you make time stand still on purpose, and directionless, so you can peek and prod around the usually hidden edges of may-be-interesting.

Catch my drift? Catch my key action word here? I don't think Borders did. In time it became too often that too few books and magazines were there to browse. Too often I was told the bookstore could order it for me, and I'll see it in a few days. Why bother? I can order online and get it faster.

I'm kind of sad, kind of annoyed. Bookstores are like libraries. There's something reassuring in being able to walk up and down their aisles, directionless, timeless, without a search query based on what somebody else thinks I'm looking for pointing the way. And when you've done it for a time in the same place, you start feeling like that guy in They're Tearing Down Tim Riley's Bar, even if you only drink coffee, and even though they're just books after all, when it goes away.

It's 5 Movie Gimmicks Time!

Five movie gimmicks to pack the seats, for your edification pleasure. Lobby cards from Professor Kinema's files.

Percepto and The Tingler

"Percepto! was a gimmick where William Castle attached electrical "buzzers" to the underside of several seats in movie theaters where The Tingler was scheduled to be screened. The buzzers were small surplus vibrators left over from World War II. The cost of this equipment added $250,000 to the film's budget. It was predominantly used in the larger theaters. During the climax of the film, The Tingler was depicted escaping into a generic movie theater. On screen the projected film appeared to break as the silhouette of the tingler moved across the projection beam. The film went black, all lights in the auditorium (except fire exit signs) were turned off, and Vincent Price's voice warned the audience "The Tingler is loose in THIS theater! Scream! Scream for your lives!" This cued the theatre projectionist to activate the buzzers and give several audience members an unexpected jolt."  (from Wikipedia)

Psychorama and My World Dies Screaming 

"In 1958, a film called My World Dies Screaming (later retitled Terror in the Haunted House) marked Hollywood's first attempt to make use of this technique. At different points in this film, a skull is flashed to inspire terror, a snake to inspire hate, two hearts to inspire love, and large letters spelling out "blood" to create fear. The following year, 1959, saw another film produced using this same format, titled A Date with Death. Both movies starred Gerald Mohr. " (from Wikipedia)

The Screaming Skull and Free Burial Services

"The Screaming Skull begins with a voiceover explaining that the film is so frightening it may kill members of the audience, and that American International Pictures is prepared to pay for any burial services and funeral costs. During the voiceover, the camera pans inside an empty casket containing a note that reads "Reserved for you" ". (from Wikipedia)

Hynovista and Horrors of the Black Museum

"In the opening prologue [of Horrors of the Black Museum], a "real hypnotist" actually hypnotizes the audience, giving them "hypnovision", so that they will fully experience every thrilling moment of the film: see the vat of death!; feel the icy hands!; see the binocular murder!; and feel the tightening noose! Hypnovista was used only once - apparently not enough qualified hypnotists to go around for future film releases." (from the Script Lab)

Cannibal Girls and the Warning Bell

"It is about three young women being led by a Reverend who preaches cannibalism. The story gives off an urban legend feel, and was made as a spoof of traditional horror films. This cult movie is known for the 'warning bell' gimmick, which rang in theatres to warn the more squeamish members of the audience for impending gory scenes." (from Wikipedia)

Hangin' Loose

"Zoc, honey, you need to stop loafing around and get back to blogging."

"But being here with you, darling, is so wonderful. I don't want it to end."

"Oh, you silly! I'm just a figment of your imagination."

"I know. But what a figment!"

Photo courtesy of Professor Kinema

You Are What You Ignore

Horror movies are fun. I don't deny that. And I argue that they have their place in society--they show the evil that resides in the human heart and our desperate need both for God and for a savior. Since all films, all stories are, in effect, instruction manuals on how to live within this world, horror films must not operate by a different set of rules. When films give bad life-lessons, they should be called out for what they are: just plain wrong. (Scot Nehring, Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films)

In Scott Nehring's January Movies and Culture Report, the article Godzilla is Dead: The New Brand of Japanese Horror Films takes on torture porn and the dominance of nihilism in modern horror movies, or as he calls them, troubling productions. I agree with his reasoning but disagree with his conclusions and how he views horror through his Christian lens: distortion comes from using that lens.

To be fair, I will describe the lens I use before dissenting. I'm not a Christian, but I grew up Catholic (in body, not spirit). I don't attend mass, do not fear nor worship God, and, mostly, find all organized religions (sorry Wiccans, you too) a pain in the sacrosanct. Every religion has its doctrines, its rules of belief, and its rewards and punishments (payable now or later). All of these things confound the spiritual journey, more than enlightening it, with their stress on diety worship  over basic principles of morality and humanity.

Do I believe in God? Certainly. Is this a paradox? Hardly.

Prime Mover, doting omnipotent Father (or Mother), Heaven's Landlord, whatever you believe the nature of God to be it is just that, a belief. No proof of purchase necessary, although, Lord knows, there are many who must prove their beliefs well until Hell freezes over. I believe because it's difficult for me to watch the Wu Li Masters dancing while the stars shimmer overhead, and not wonder at the precise syncopation of their feet staying in step to the melody of the universe. So for me, you might say God's the drummer with an endless repertoire that keeps the party swinging. Whether or not you also hear those drums will not brighten or spoil my day; my ears, my eyes, you know? My lens.

For the rest of us, God can be the Boss, the Governator, the Worshippee, the Savior, the Judge and Jury, the Blamer, the Excuse, the Accuser, the Censor, the Pillory, and so much less or so much more. Do I really need to continue? You already know what God means to you. And I'll wager you ignore the rest, too. We all do to some extent. Ignorance is blissfully conducive to self-serving reasoning. Or faith.

Make Horror Movie Blood the Mark Gatiss Way

Mark Gatiss shows you how to make authentic horror movie blood.