Zombos' Closet of Horror

Gifts for Horror Comics Fans

Here is a list of gift ideas for that comic book fan in your life. You know, the nephew you thought would love Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes because that helpful patron in Borders--the one who thought Myra Breckinridge was a cook book author--insisted he would. Now you know better.

No need to check over this list twice; every book is a surefire winner that will light up the holiday for any devout comic book reader, especially the horror-minded ones.

1000 Comic Books You Must Read
by Tony Isabella

Starting briefly with Superman in the 1930's, then into the Fighting Forties, Tony Isabella provides cover shots and brief synopses of many notable issues categorized by decade up to the present. Archie and Millie the Model, super heroes and horror mix it up in a sumptuous memory lane experience for older fans (like me) and a wonderful, if-you're-so-smart-what-about-that-issue, reading list for younger ones (like me, too). Some older issues will, of course, be harder to find by themselves, but with so much of historical and reading interest being reprinted today in archived volumes, it's becoming easier to catch up on all this sequential art goodness.

Saga of the Swamp Thing, Books 1 and 2
by Vertigo and DC Comics

Horror never had it so good until Alan Moore decided to explore its elements in Swamp Thing. I recently received Book 2 from DC Comics for review. With Moore's depth of storyline and penchant for bringing in familiar DC characters, and Stephen Bissette and John Totleben's expressive illustration gallivanting across panels--and printing it all on superbly non-slick, dull, pulpy paper to retain the original sense of coloration and tactile nuance, this hardcover edition, along with Book 1, is essential reading for any horror comic fan.

Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery, Vol. 1
by Dark Horse Archives

This hardcover archive collects the first four issues of Boris Karloff Thriller retitled to Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery. Sara Karloff provides a brief introduction and bios of the creative people involved are included. Confined to static panels, five per page, the artwork is a tidy balance between adequate story-telling and heavy-inked momentum. The stories come with morals or little twists of fate. Boris the Uncanny introduces each one and sums up the lesson afterward. Not overly scary or expressively artistic, this volume will either bring back delightful memories for older fans or provide a good example of what bread and butter comic art and story are all about for others.

Procrastinator's Horror Fan Gift Guide for 2008

Hellz n' Bellz
Hellz n' Bellz
Screaming all the way!
What the hell, am I to do
With my horror fan's gift-buying today, hey!

"Well, what are you waiting for?" insisted Zombos. "Stop daydreaming and get out of the damn elevator shaft already."

We were playing Alone in the Dark and I kept getting killed. I refocused my attention and pulled my thoughts back from dwelling on the early days of PC games, keyboard and mouse controls, and cheat codes--lord knows I could use some omnipotence now. I stared at the Nunchuck and Wii-mote in my fumbling hands. My awkward, entirely useless hands, struggling to master the rudiments of the life-like motions and 'A', 'B', 'Z', button-presses needed to save myself--damn, fell down the elevator shaft again. Where is that '-' button anyway, and how do I use it to get past those blasted exhaust fans?

"You're impossible," encouraged Zombos, grabbing the Wii controls out of my hands. "Go do something useful, like putting together a book gift-buying list or something."

Now that was a good idea...

Inflatable Fruitcake: End the Horror!

Maybe it's me, but I actually like fruitcake. Perhaps that is because Chef Machiavelli bathes his festively spicy Panforte in more spirits than Charles Dickens conjured up in A Christmas Carol. However, for those of you not so blessed, there is a palatable alternative that will keep you from reluctantly chewing, and chewing, and chewing what would have been better suited for a doorstop, handy tire chock for your vehicle, or mallet for pounding stakes into vampire breasts, with gusto, during the holiday season. (I recall they cut a scene in Hostel 2 where victims were forced to eat fruitcake without anything to drink, but even torture porn has its limits.)

Now you can stop the fruitcake horror by giving an inflatable one!

What are your fruitcake horror stories? Remember, you are not alone!

Procrastinator's Horror Fan Gift Guide for 2007

"This is not right at all," lamented Zombos. He exerted great effort to disentangle himself from the strings of Christmas tree lights tightly winding around him. We were engaged in putting the lights on the tree, but that didn't go as planned.

"I hear putting up a menorah is much easier," I said. "You just plug it in."

I watched in wonder as the mesmerizing, brightly-colored bulbs blinked on and off, bathing him in their warm glow. The cheery colors were comforting even while he struggled helplessly against their ever-tightening grip; the Saw torture devices were not as insidious. I sipped my Toboggon' Egg-Noggin' prepared by Chef Machiavelli, with a dash of rum and splash of lime.

"Perhaps if I unplug the main strand from the wall socket, that might help?" I volunteered. It didn't. Deep within that mess of tortuous cords was the perfect analogy for heaven, limbo and hell. Heaven was definitely your destination, but you're stuck in limbo with hell to pay before you could get there.

Feel that way with your gift-giving? Frantic now that you've wasted all year planning to shop early but didn't? Shame on you. But there's still time, you know. Here are some last minute ideas to light up the weird, scary, and fantastic-loving fan on your list.

Son of Great Gift Ideas for Horror Fans:Not So Merry Manga

"Are they gone yet?" asked Zombos, stretching his thin, long arm longer than he really should to reach the top of the Christmas tree. Precariously balancing the golden star of Bethlehem in one hand and the bright silver garland of hope in his other, he stood on tiptoes atop the ten-foot ladder, straining to reach the top of our vibrant green tree a scant few inches from his grasp. I suppose that's what faith is all about.

"No, not yet. They've started a bonfire on the north lawn," I said, looking out the window at the torch-wielding mob of angry holiday shoppers. They began chanting the same thing over and over again.

"What's that? What are they saying?"

"Give us more, give us more, give us more, and something about a dreidel," I told Zombos. "I think they want more gift ideas for the horror fans on their shopping list."

"Well, then, what are you waiting for? If they want more, give it to them."

"Alright, then. Manga will make them merry," I said, and got down to business.

Japanese horror manga, while similar to our comic book format, has been around for centuries. Heavily influenced in the past few decades by the atrocities of a world war, status competition, familial disaffection, and American culture, it's illustrations and storylines can be grotesque and arabesque, or comically naughty, or a mix of all three with a dash of irony.

Great Gift Ideas for Your Horror Fan: Non-Fiction Books

No, no, no,
No, no, no,
Hell no all the way,
Oh what horror it is to get a tacky gift today, hey!

Are the ghosts of bad Christmas presents past haunting you? Is the dread of finding a delightfully thoughtful gift, instead of another frightfully awful one, dancing madly in your head instead of sugar plums? Why chance disappointing someone again with more of those darn Fandango movie gift tickets that say, "I gave up! Didn't have a clue!" Any one of these stocking-stuffers will electrify any horror fan more than the Frankenstein monster, and show them you really care.

In his book, Sundays with Vlad: From Pennsylvania to Transylvania, One Man's Quest to Live in the World of the Undead, journalist Paul Bibeau packs his lifelong fascination with vampires into his Gladstone bag and heads for the hills of Transylvania to find the true Dracula. What he finds along the way is hilarious, delirious, and never disingenuous. From the foothills of the Carpathians, to the wild woods of New Jersey and the wide aisles of Wal-Mart, his search for the real Dracula will leave you wishing you were along for the ride. Along the way you will meet Bela Lugosi Jr., fighting to protect his famous father's rights of publicity, enter the Goth world of eternal night, with or without fangs, and trip the light fantasy with LARPers, those cheeky-geeky live action role playing savants we all publicly deride, but secretly yearn to be.

The Incredibly Ghoulish, Frighteningly Creepy Coloring Book Of Death!

Chindi speaks...and we listen!

Hurry over to Lulu and get your very own copy of—

Monster By Mail Presents: AARGH! The Incredibly Ghoulish, Frighteningly Creepy Coloring Book Of Death

—for your little Zombos Jr.

Experience the creepy fun of Monster By Mail like never before! Internet cartoonist Len Peralta has created a ghastly new collection of drawings just for this coloring book that are ready to color and paint. As a special bonus, you'll get a FREE MP3 of the song "March of the Zombies" By Schnauzer Radio Orchestra (http://www.schnauzerstudios.com/).

After you buy the coloring book, head over to http://www.monsterbymail.com and get a monster you named by mail in a 4x6 original art drawn just for you: current theme is Zombies! Summer of the Undead. It's fun, it's wild, it's Monsters By Mail!

Glow In the Dark Zombies!

How can any self-disrespecting horrorhead pass up these unwholesomely adorable flesh-eating playthings? Drag your worm-eaten carcass over to Archie McPhee and order some gruesome fun today!

Glow-in-the-Dark
Flesh Eating Zombies Play Set

Wreak havoc on your sister's precious diorama with this Flesh Eating Zombie Play Set! Each set includes nine 1" to 3.25" tall, hard vinyl zombies, complete with blank stares, gaping mouths, open wounds and missing limbs! Turn off the lights and they glow! Fantastic undead fun for the whole family!

Disclaimer: Zombos Closet of Horror does not endorse, affiliate, condone, or recommend flesh-eating zombie toys for non-horrorhead use. Player discretion is advised. Furthermore, any resemblance to living-dead zombies and their families is purely coincidental.

What Dreams Are Made Of: MorbidMonster's Aurora Fantasies

Everyone has a fantasy: even horrorheads.  But what floats a horrorhead's fantasy boat is definitely much more exciting than anything a cruise on the Love Boat could ever offer. 

Take, for instance, the Aurora fantasy art model boxes done by MorbidMonster. Who wouldn't love to build the Metaluna Mutant, or Mole Man, or Cthulhu in rad plastic.

Well, until someone comes along and creates those model kits (hint, hint), MorbidMonster has the next best thing; and actually the coolest part of the legendary Aurora monster kit-building experience--the box art!

How can you pass up those lurid colors, the powerful poses, and the beckoning fair one hinted at so seductively under all that shrink-wrap. Whether it be Commando Cody, Doc Savage, Kolchak, or any one of those scrumptious box illustrations, MorbidMonster produces the finest cardboard dreams this side of the grave.

You will also find Aurora reproduction boxes, movie poster and lobby-card repros, and Pulp Magazine cover repros, too.

But be warned: you won't be able to stop at just one. Go to MorbidMonster now and live the fantasy.

Horror Fan Gift Guide for 2006

So there you are. Yes, you; you waited and waited and — put down that tie set ! — unless of course you want it knotted around your neck. No self-respecting horror fan would be caught walking-dead in that thing. Nix the cuff-links, tie tac, scarf, funny hat, pen set, and sweater, too, and pay attention. This is your last chance to make that special horrorhead in your life devilishly happy for Christmas with one or more of these you-really-care DVDs and books.