Zombos' Closet

Kindle Your Holiday Horror e-Reading

I packed up these eBooks onto my iPad before heading to Japan--although I ordered them through the Kindle Store on Amazon. I was surprised to find so many digital titles available for horror movies. A few of these I also have in print format, but decided to go lighter on my luggage. Downloading them to my iPad was quick and easy.

Now, if anyone can recommend an efficient way of jotting down notes while reading on an iPad, I'd appreciate it. I still haven't gotten the hang of that yet, but having one gadget to read so many books is still the cat's meow.

Mushroom Clouds and Mushroom Men: The Fantastic Cinema of Ishiro Honda by Peter H. Brothers. Ignore the annoying typos and grammatical faux pas: Brothers' book provides an interesting and informative glimpse into the man who brought Godzilla to life and the monster movies that followed. (Dennis Fischer's review on Cinefantastique is a good rundown of the book.)

Richard Matheson on Screen: A History of the Filmed Works by Matthew R. Bradley. I had already picked this up in hardcover, but having it on my iPad made it easier to carry around and read while traveling. Bradley's book is essential reading for every horror fan: Richard Matheson's influencial writing has appeared on screen, both small and tall, and television. (Read John Kenneth Muir's review of the book, and ZC secret agent Chindi sends along this link as an appetizer:  Richard Matheson--Storyteller: The Curtis Years).

Music in the Horror Film: Listening to Fear by Neil Lerner. Let 's face it, how many of you actually pay attention to the music in a horror movie? I know you hear it, but do you really understand why it works the way it does (or doesn't)? Lerner brings together a collection of essays that note the sounds of fear, making any tin ear more appreciative of how music riles up the savage beast or grates on your nerves in all the right places to enhance the horror effect. (Here's the Gothic Imagination's review.)

Horror Film Aesthetics: Creating the Visual Language of Fear by Thomas M. Sipos. Ever notice how calling a movie a film makes it sound much more important and academic? I suppose it helps when discussing horror movies--I mean films--especially their visual language. Some critics will argue horror films don't have any aesthetics, but armed with Sipos' book, you can easily show them otherwise. I already had this book in print format, but didn't want to leave it at home while I traveled. There's much to reread here and absorb over time. Agree or not, you'll still find the discussion interesting and enlightening, once you get past the rambling first chapter on what a horror movie--sorry, I mean film--is. Don't get me wrong: the first chapter is very good, but it's broad and unstructured in scope as Sipos tosses in everything minus the kitchen sink to define his perspective. (Here's Theofantastique's review.)

Ghouls, Gimmicks, and Gold: Horror Films and the American Movie Business, 1953-1968 by Kevin Heffernan. Even if you call them films instead of movies, they're made to make money first, and art--sometimes--second. Heffernan brings that point home as he discusses the financial necessities that shaped the horror genre. I also have this one in print, but I like to carry it around to refer to every now and then. With it in eBook format, that makes it all the easier to do.

H.P. Lovecraft: The Ultimate Collection: 101 Stories, 45 Poems, Biography, and Bibliography in One Volume. What can I say? This is Lovecraft, baby.

There's a ton or so more of eBooks you should consider, but these are the ones I decided to take with me to Japan. If you have other recommendations, please let us know in the comments section.

 

 

 

 

Sticky Blinking Eyeballs: The Perfect Holiday Gift?

While in Japan's Tokyu Hands department store in Kashiwa, my eye was caught by these techno-monster, blinking ones. Don't know for sure, but this may be the best holiday gift this year.

Or maybe not. I'll leave it up to you.

It does bring the saying "jeepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers?" to vivid life, though, and you can actually tell people where you got them.

 

Unique Books for Holiday Gifts

Looking for the perfect book gift for the horror fan who's read it all? Here you go...

People Who Don't Know Their Dead (You probably know quite a few of these people at work, right?)

Paint It Black: A Guide to Gothic Homemaking (Gee, if it were only that easy: depressing design is an art, you know.)

The Haunted Vagina (So tell me again how many authors can't get a book published? I love the tagline: "It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.")

The Pop-Up Book of Phobias (I'm afraid to comment on this one.)

American Hair Metal ("An excellent visual presentation on a pop phenomenon just beginning to attract critical interest, this vital piece of rock semiotics, so to speak, verifies how strong the attraction of monumental vacuity can be."  Mike Tribby. Pair this one up with Hellbent for Cooking: The Heavy Metal Cookbook.)

American Murder Ballads (A splendid mix of tunes that will deaden any Goth party to perfection.)

Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition (Yo-ho-ho and a bottom's up rump, me hearties! So. Rum wasn't the only "R" word pirates took a fancy to?)

The Who's Who of British Beheadings (Read this and liven the small talk of any party.)

Castration: The Advantages and Disadvantages (This has to be the worst title for a book I've ever seen.  "The simple 15-minute surgery gives a whopping thirteen and a half years of average life expectancy increase, cures prostate cancer and improves the body's immune system functioning." Yes, but I'm still not convinced.)

Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself ("Here's the help you need for one of life's most critical undertakings -- making your own coffin." Now when I think about my most critical undertakings, this is definitely not one of them.)

Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities (So. Tell me again why you can't get your book published?)

And last but not least:

Disgusting Things: A Miscellany (One of my favorites.)

 

 

Grow a Bloody Hand for Halloween

The marketing hype on this gruesome trick is zany fun: freak out your neighbors! Put it under a sibling's bed!

For a little rubber hand two inches in size (before growing), its visually striking display on this red, black, and white card package makes it irresistible. As well as the little bit of bone sticking out the end, which contrasts nicely against the red stump. How can you pass it up?

For an added treat, the disclaimer on the back is charmingly nonsensical: This toy is in no way intended to represent living people. Any resemblance is purely coincidental and not intended to harm anyone.

I suppose if you know someone who's all thumbs, they may be a little offended.

 

Gifts for Horror Comics Fans

Here is a list of gift ideas for that comic book fan in your life. You know, the nephew you thought would love Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes because that helpful patron in Borders--the one who thought Myra Breckinridge was a cook book author--insisted he would. Now you know better.

No need to check over this list twice; every book is a surefire winner that will light up the holiday for any devout comic book reader, especially the horror-minded ones.

1000 Comic Books You Must Read
by Tony Isabella

Starting briefly with Superman in the 1930's, then into the Fighting Forties, Tony Isabella provides cover shots and brief synopses of many notable issues categorized by decade up to the present. Archie and Millie the Model, super heroes and horror mix it up in a sumptuous memory lane experience for older fans (like me) and a wonderful, if-you're-so-smart-what-about-that-issue, reading list for younger ones (like me, too). Some older issues will, of course, be harder to find by themselves, but with so much of historical and reading interest being reprinted today in archived volumes, it's becoming easier to catch up on all this sequential art goodness.

Saga of the Swamp Thing, Books 1 and 2
by Vertigo and DC Comics

Horror never had it so good until Alan Moore decided to explore its elements in Swamp Thing. I recently received Book 2 from DC Comics for review. With Moore's depth of storyline and penchant for bringing in familiar DC characters, and Stephen Bissette and John Totleben's expressive illustration gallivanting across panels--and printing it all on superbly non-slick, dull, pulpy paper to retain the original sense of coloration and tactile nuance, this hardcover edition, along with Book 1, is essential reading for any horror comic fan.

Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery, Vol. 1
by Dark Horse Archives

This hardcover archive collects the first four issues of Boris Karloff Thriller retitled to Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery. Sara Karloff provides a brief introduction and bios of the creative people involved are included. Confined to static panels, five per page, the artwork is a tidy balance between adequate story-telling and heavy-inked momentum. The stories come with morals or little twists of fate. Boris the Uncanny introduces each one and sums up the lesson afterward. Not overly scary or expressively artistic, this volume will either bring back delightful memories for older fans or provide a good example of what bread and butter comic art and story are all about for others.

Holiday Horror Fan Gift Guide for 2008

Hellz n' Bellz
Hellz n' Bellz
Screaming all the way!
What the hell, am I to do
With my horror fan's gift-buying today, hey!

"Well, what are you waiting for?" insisted Zombos. "Stop daydreaming and get out of the damn elevator shaft already."

We were playing Alone in the Dark and I kept getting killed. I refocused my attention and pulled my thoughts back from dwelling on the early days of PC games, keyboard and mouse controls, and cheat codes--lord knows I could use some omnipotence now. I stared at the Nunchuck and Wii-mote in my fumbling hands. My awkward, entirely useless hands, struggling to master the rudiments of the life-like motions and 'A', 'B', 'Z', button-presses needed to save myself--damn, fell down the elevator shaft again. Where is that '-' button anyway, and how do I use it to get past those blasted exhaust fans?

"You're impossible," encouraged Zombos, grabbing the Wii controls out of my hands. "Go do something useful, like putting together a book gift-buying list or something."

Now that was a good idea...

Inflatable Fruitcake: End the Horror!

Maybe it's me, but I actually like fruitcake. Perhaps that is because Chef Machiavelli bathes his festively spicy Panforte in more spirits than Charles Dickens conjured up in A Christmas Carol. However, for those of you not so blessed, there is a palatable alternative that will keep you from reluctantly chewing, and chewing, and chewing what would have been better suited for a doorstop, handy tire chock for your vehicle, or mallet for pounding stakes into vampire breasts, with gusto, during the holiday season. (I recall they cut a scene in Hostel 2 where victims were forced to eat fruitcake without anything to drink, but even torture porn has its limits.)

Now you can stop the fruitcake horror by giving an inflatable one!

What are your fruitcake horror stories? Remember, you are not alone!

Another Holiday Horror Fan Gift Guide

"This is not right at all," lamented Zombos. He exerted great effort to disentangle himself from the strings of Christmas tree lights tightly winding around him. We were engaged in putting the lights on the tree, but that didn't go as planned.

"I hear putting up a menorah is much easier," I said. "You just plug it in."

I watched in wonder as the mesmerizing, brightly-colored bulbs blinked on and off, bathing him in their warm glow. The cheery colors were comforting even while he struggled helplessly against their ever-tightening grip; the Saw torture devices were not as insidious. I sipped my Toboggon' Egg-Noggin' prepared by Chef Machiavelli, with a dash of rum and splash of lime.

"Perhaps if I unplug the main strand from the wall socket, that might help?" I volunteered. It didn't. Deep within that mess of tortuous cords was the perfect analogy for heaven, limbo and hell. Heaven was definitely your destination, but you're stuck in limbo with hell to pay before you could get there.

Feel that way with your gift-giving? Frantic now that you've wasted all year planning to shop early but didn't? Shame on you. But there's still time, you know. Here are some last minute ideas to light up the weird, scary, and fantastic-loving fan on your list.

Merry Manga Horror Gift Ideas

"Are they gone yet?" asked Zombos, stretching his thin, long arm longer than he really should to reach the top of the Christmas tree. Precariously balancing the golden star of Bethlehem in one hand and the bright silver garland of hope in his other, he stood on tiptoes atop the ten-foot ladder, straining to reach the top of our vibrant green tree a scant few inches from his grasp. I suppose that's what faith is all about.

"No, not yet. They've started a bonfire on the north lawn," I said, looking out the window at the torch-wielding mob of angry holiday shoppers. They began chanting the same thing over and over again.

"What is that? What are they saying?"

"Give us more, give us more, give us more, and something about a dreidel," I told Zombos. "I think they want more gift ideas for the horror fans on their shopping list."

"Well, then, what are you waiting for? If they want more, give it to them."

"Alright, then. Manga will make them merry," I said, and got down to business.

Japanese horror manga, while similar to our comic book format, has been around for centuries. Heavily influenced in the past few decades by the atrocities of a world war, status competition, familial disaffection, and American culture, it's illustrations and storylines can be grotesque and arabesque, or comically naughty, or a mix of all three with a dash of irony.

Holiday Horror Fan Gift Guide

No, no, no,
No, no, no,
Hell no all the way,
Oh what horror it is to get a tacky gift today, hey!

Are the ghosts of bad Christmas presents past haunting you? Is the dread of finding a delightfully thoughtful gift, instead of another frightfully awful one, dancing madly in your head instead of sugar plums? Why chance disappointing someone again with more of those darn Fandango movie gift tickets that say, "I gave up! Didn't have a clue!" Any one of these stocking-stuffers will electrify any horror fan more than the Frankenstein monster, and show them you really care.

In his book, Sundays with Vlad: From Pennsylvania to Transylvania, One Man's Quest to Live in the World of the Undead, journalist Paul Bibeau packs his lifelong fascination with vampires into his Gladstone bag and heads for the hills of Transylvania to find the true Dracula. What he finds along the way is hilarious, delirious, and never disingenuous. From the foothills of the Carpathians, to the wild woods of New Jersey and the wide aisles of Wal-Mart, his search for the real Dracula will leave you wishing you were along for the ride. Along the way you will meet Bela Lugosi Jr., fighting to protect his famous father's rights of publicity, enter the Goth world of eternal night, with or without fangs, and trip the light fantasy with LARPers, those cheeky-geeky live action role playing savants we all publicly deride, but secretly yearn to be.

Glow In the Dark Zombies!

How can any self-disrespecting horrorhead pass up these unwholesomely adorable flesh-eating playthings? Drag your worm-eaten carcass over to Archie McPhee and order some gruesome fun today!

Glow-in-the-Dark
Flesh Eating Zombies Play Set

Wreak havoc on your sister's precious diorama with this Flesh Eating Zombie Play Set! Each set includes nine 1" to 3.25" tall, hard vinyl zombies, complete with blank stares, gaping mouths, open wounds and missing limbs! Turn off the lights and they glow! Fantastic undead fun for the whole family!

Disclaimer: Zombos Closet of Horror does not endorse, affiliate, condone, or recommend flesh-eating zombie toys for non-horrorhead use. Player discretion is advised. Furthermore, any resemblance to living-dead zombies and their families is purely coincidental.

Horror Fan Gift Guide for 2006

So there you are. Yes, you; you waited and waited and — put down that tie set ! — unless of course you want it knotted around your neck. No self-respecting horror fan would be caught walking-dead in that thing. Nix the cuff-links, tie tac, scarf, funny hat, pen set, and sweater, too, and pay attention. This is your last chance to make that special horrorhead in your life devilishly happy for Christmas with one or more of these you-really-care DVDs and books.

Naughty Toys for Good Girls and Boys

Archie McPhee has some of the most bizarre toys for horrorhead girls and boys. Whether naughty or nice, just head on over and give that significant horror fan in your life a gift they'll never expect. Or pick up some swag for yourself. You deserve it, too.

Make bath time more fun with this Frogmen vs. the Radioactive Octopus playset. Each set includes twelve 2-1/2" hard vinyl frogmen and one 9" soft vinyl octopus that glows in the dark!

Budding directors can storyboard their next aquatic horror opus while getting clean. Struggling directors can even combine this set with the Tub of Mini Executives for that cathartic effect after dealing with those talent-less studio suits all day. Make them beg for mercy as they are eaten alive by your squiddy friend.

My favorite is the Avenging Unicorn Playset, complete with posable, 3-3/4" tall, hard vinyl unicorn, and soft vinyl figures of a businessman, new age lady, and  mime (mimes creep me out big time). You can have hours of fun impaling your hapless victims on any one of four stylish horns (classic spiral, chrome, glow and pearlescent). Make Mr. Mime pantomime for mercy again and again.

But don't stop there; by adding a Tub of Mini Executives and drilling holes in their plastic backs, you can impale them, too. Come to think of it, those mini executives probably already have ready-made holes from all the backstabbing they do to each other anyway, so adding them to your unicorn fetish fantasies will be even easier.

Any script writer worth his weight in words would love a Houdini Action Figure. Directors, too, will find the cathartic effect of freeing themselves from the tyranny of by-the-numbers studio nincompoops, that insist on endless predictable rewrites, franchisable stories, and squeaking budgets, quite empowering.

Through this 5-1/2" tall, hard vinyl Houdini, directors and writers can symbolically cast off the yoke of Hollywood opression using the cloth straight jacket, two sets of plastic shackles, and bit of rope included.

But why stop there? Toss in A Tub of Mini Executives, and you can tie them up and shake them down. Make them plead for mercy as you bind them tightly in effigy. Clamp those shackles around their little plastic ankles with glee, or tie rope around their feet and hang them upside down for hours on end. Another mindless scene rewrite to attract the teen audience? — no problem, you've got your Houdini Action Figure playset!

Horrified B-movie Victims will provide fans with endless possibilities because YOU provide the terror! Each dramatic play set includes nine 2-1/2" to 3" tall, hard vinyl victims captured in utterly terrified poses! Are they reacting to the advance of a (insert your favorite monster figure here), or leaving the theater in droves because of the escalating ticket prices — you decide!

Make-up effects oriented horror fans can modify their B-movie victims for zombie, atomic, or classic monster effects. Add the Tub of Mini Executives for more realistic action, and turn your horrified B-movie victims into horrified corporate employee victims screaming Enron as they fruitlessly struggle frantically to escape their sweatshop-office hell. As an added bonus, modify the mini executives into their true blood-sucking and life-destroying natures to provide endless hours of sadistic fun!

Last, but not least, the Tub of Mini Executives is the epitome of fun. What more can you ask for? Seventy-two, 1-5/8" tall, hard vinyl figures are blandly dressed for success and ready to make their way up the corporate ladder, no matter who they have to push off to make it to the top.

Horrorheads everywhere can create numerous scenes of mayhem and torture with these single-minded, over-caffeinated, predictable-as-hell action figures, by combining them with other playsets. Imagine they're the Hollywood suits that gave us The Grudge 2 and The Return, and make them pay!

Invite Jigsaw to the party, or relive the romantic torture scenes in Turistas. You're only limited by their lack of creativity and imagination, as they struggle for that bigger cubicle or corner office, or franchise-making box office winner.

Now that's scary.

 

Best Book Gift Ideas for the Horror Film Fan

So there you stand, scratching your severed head in dismay; what gifts to get that ho-ho-ho-so difficult horrorhead in your family? Why suffer the hordes of zombiefied holiday shoppers, overwhelmed store employees, and bargain bins of the damned when you can sail down the Amazon in shopping comfort while sipping your favorite frothy beverage? To help you with your gift buying, Zombos Closet presents the first annual list of bloody best books any fan of horror cinema would die and come back for, again and again.